Joe Donaldson: Frame, so I don't forget.
Joe Donaldson: So again, welcome to those of you who are joining us here at our coach. Approach. Ministries, Webinar, we have our special guest with us today, Dr. Marcia Reynolds.
Joe Donaldson: and we are so excited to start off 2025 with with her. And with this topic today of coaching the person and not the problem. A little bit later, in our webinar, Dr. Reynolds is going to provide a coaching demo, and we are looking for someone who would love to be coached by her this morning, as you see in the chat, the topic must be related to a work or career issue.
Joe Donaldson: not a family issue, or how to build your coaching practice. So if you would like to be considered to be coached by her, please just message me directly in chat, and we will respond to you. So
Joe Donaldson: please don't delay. If that's something that you are interested in.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Cold, cold.
Joe Donaldson: Dr. Reynolds is here. This is Brian Miller, who is the executive director of poach poach ministries good to see you as well. Brian.
Brian Miller: Thank you. Hello, everybody
Brian Miller: the attendance is filling up a little bit. If you'd scoot more towards the middle. So there's room on the ends for more people to come in.
Brian Miller: That's a joke we'd appreciate.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Sounds, like.
Brian Miller: It is gonna be a very very well attended webinar. Today we love well attended webinars.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Lots of people. If you want to go into the chat and tell us where you're joining us from, we love to see that, for sure.
Brian Miller: We are very excited to have Dr. Marsha Reynolds. I spent some time podcasting with
Brian Miller: with her, and I don't think she has the ability to say anything not interesting.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: No.
Brian Miller: That's phenomenal.
Brian Miller: Great compliment. Thank you.
Brian Miller: That's true, too. I mean.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: T.
Brian Miller: True, it was very enjoyable. And you
Brian Miller: you made my brain go. Aha, multiple times. Just in a podcast. So
Brian Miller: we're looking forward to that.
Brian Miller: So, seeing a lot of greetings in the in the chat.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Wow! I'm so.
Brian Miller: North Carolina. Cold, cold I'm in. I'm in Central Illinois, and it's 3 degrees. So yeah.
Brian Miller: it is. It is very cold where I'm at mike's in Lafayette, Indiana, snowy Enid, Oklahoma with Mary.
Brian Miller: Hello! From Dubai.
Brian Miller: Nice welcome! Welcome! Is there? Snow in Dubai? That's my.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: I don't think so.
Brian Miller: Don't think so.
Brian Miller: Hello! From Budapest.
Joe Donaldson: Brian, if I could just jump in. I see a lot of people posting to host and panelists. Please select everyone in that 2 that blue button
Joe Donaldson: just above your message so that everyone can share in this. That'd be great. The only reason you would use the host and panelists is if you're going to volunteer.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: To me.
Joe Donaldson: Coached in a few minutes by Dr. Reynolds, and I see we have already one volunteer there. But please just remember to post your chats to everyone
Joe Donaldson: unless it's supposed to come to the host.
Brian Miller: Yeah. And if you want to let
Brian Miller: Joe know what your topic is.
Joe Donaldson: Might help us select a.
Brian Miller: A great client, for this is big deal you. You have an opportunity to be 20 min coached by
Brian Miller: perhaps the best coach in the world, and then I'm not exaggerating which I like to exaggerate. But I'm not.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Yeah.
Brian Miller: You want to volunteer for this. So if you have a topic that fits our our
Brian Miller: our deal today, we we you want to do this, there's no doubt.
Brian Miller: So goodness! All over the world. There's Madrid all over the United States, Sacramento, Minnesota, there's Romania, there's Italy.
Brian Miller: Canada. We we're we're all over the world here. And so we're grateful.
Brian Miller: Netherlands, Armenia. My gosh, there may be more people across the globe than there are in the United States today.
Brian Miller: Lots and lots of people today. Well, let's get started if we will. We are a faith-based organization, Joe, why don't you start us with a word of prayer, and then I'll I'll set up
Brian Miller: a few things if you'll let me.
Joe Donaldson: I'll do that. Let me pray. We are so grateful.
Joe Donaldson: Father God, to to be in your presence today, and to have Marsha Reynolds here, presenting for us as as a community of coaches around the world. We've gathered through this incredible medium to be taught
Joe Donaldson: how to be better coaches, how to be more effective coaches, and we trust that that will be the case in this upcoming. 90 min. We give this time to you. Amen.
Brian Miller: Hey, man, I'm gonna share my screen to set this up a bit.
Brian Miller: So can you see, you should be able to see my screen coach. The person, not the problem.
Brian Miller: See that Joe.
Joe Donaldson: Yes, yes.
Brian Miller: So this is our webinar today, Marshall Reynolds. She has a bestselling book, 50,000 copies, plus. If you don't have this book, you should get it.
Brian Miller: Coach, the person, not the problem.
Brian Miller: And this is hosted by the coach approach ministries, community of coaches. We have a community. It is a paid community you can be a part of. There's many features to it. Most of our webinars are not open to the public, but we feel, you know this opportunity to get somebody as outstanding as Marcia Reynolds to make sure, open it up to everybody. That's just important.
Brian Miller: because we support coaching in such a big way, but the community itself is a source of support, training, and advice
Brian Miller: from our team of leading coaches. Membership includes member only webinars. Business development discounts on coach approach, ministry courses and training, mentoring, learning labs and a coaching exchange. Let me just highlight a couple of those really quick
Brian Miller: in January. The the business development is something I lead. And and
Brian Miller: we're trying to help coaches get clients. I mean, that's that's the biggest thing building a practice
Brian Miller: getting clients developing a marketing system that delivers client after client. You can join me at least twice a month, and very much like a in some ways like a mastermind.
Brian Miller: We'd like, we're going to meet for 6 months and so and then we'll start another one.
Brian Miller: We also have a monthly learning lab. This this month is led by Laura Stevens-reed Pcc Coach, highly trained
Brian Miller: with the core competencies. She's going to lead one on ethical practice. If you need cces
Brian Miller: for renewal of your Icf
Brian Miller: you can automatically get 12 core competencies by attending the the monthly learning labs which are just tremendous
Brian Miller: as well.
Brian Miller: and then the coaching exchanges every quarter. You can join the coaching exchange and and get coaching and give coaching 10 h over a quarter, and and it's paid coaching because it's barter coaching. So if you need hours for Icf.
Brian Miller: this is a great way to do it. Some people just enjoy having built in coaching
Brian Miller: this is just fantastic. If you want to be a part of that.
Brian Miller: The other thing I want to highlight. It's not part of our community, but we have 3 certifications with coach approach ministries. We have the
Brian Miller: Cclc the certified Christian leadership coach. That's that's our certification. It's a basic certification that says I know what coaching is, and I've demonstrated that I'm good at it.
Brian Miller: Then the Cclc plus, which is a level one with the Icf, so we have a program that can get you to Acc, and we also have a level 2 program, the Ecc, the Executive Christian coach
Brian Miller: program, which is a level 2 program with Icf.
Brian Miller: a couple of questions to think about one is, how do I start? Certification starts February 20.th We have a class called Foundations and Christian Coaching, and that is the place to start. It is a 8 week.
Brian Miller: one and a half hour per week. Live class. You will be coaching immediately. It is not just to sit and learn tremendously very interactive course. It leads to all 3 certifications. If that's something
Brian Miller: you're interested in, what if I already have some training, we offer bridge programs that help you move from one certification to another. So if you're already Acc and would like to be Pcc, we can work with you
Brian Miller: and build you a program to do that. If you want to do that, just reach out to me.
Brian Miller: or anybody at coach approach.
Brian Miller: And we have a programs, Q&A. Webinar on January 30th to kind of walk you through what our programs are and what our certifications are.
Brian Miller: And you can sign up for that Q. And A. Webinar. I will send a link and a follow up
Brian Miller: email as well. So obviously, we're very excited about what we offer here at coach approach. And dare I say we're even more excited to have Marcia Reynolds, Joe, I'll let you give her a proper introduction, and I'll I'll hop off here for a minute.
Joe Donaldson: Well, we we have been communicating to all those who are attending about Marcia's background and her experience and her accolades. Excuse me, and I just want to give you Marsha enough time to do well today. Of course you're going to do well, but give you the time that you deserve to have. So I'm going to
Joe Donaldson: just turn it over to you. We look forward to what you have in store for us today. Thanks for being here.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Well, thank you. All right. Well, I'm going to go ahead and share my slides. And so I've got some things I want to share with you today, and then I'll do a demo. And my experience is that there's a lot more questions after I do the demo. And you really see what I'm doing in action than just talking about it.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: But I do want to say that even if you have read Coach, the person, not the problem. I'm now been contracted to write the next edition edition 2 of the book. So I'm researching. And I'm learning things so hopefully, I have some new things to share with you today.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay. So you know what we had talked about.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: what to talk about. And you know, a lot of people perceive it may be even more difficult when people are dealing with a lot of stress and a lot of things going on in their life
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and and making it even difficult for them to stay present. But this is the best time that for them to have a coach to talk about, things, to to sort through what's happening to separate out the anxiety over one thing and the other. And what it really is that's causing me to react.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: because that's what we do, it's and it's really important
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: that we do understand. What is it we're doing as a coach. The distinction of coaching as opposed to anything else, advising, leading, therapy, counseling
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: what is it that we do, and and for you to be able then to articulate that to to potential clients in a brief way instead of saying, This is how I do it. But this is what I can do for you, which is really important. So that's where I'm going to start.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And so, if you know, I was monitoring the you were using the Q. And A. And all the responses in there. So I would like to know what's the most important skill I'm going to if you could just type it in is
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: the Q&A right, or the chat which one are they you using.
Brian Miller: Chat.
Joe Donaldson: We're using the chat.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay. If you could type it in the chat, I'm going to look at a few. Not all of them. Okay, listening, listening.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: presence being present, listening self-management.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay, great questions, presence, deep listening, developing trust and safety.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay, okay, so a lot of this is what we normally do, that that it is important and deep listening. And what? What are we listening for?
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: asking probing questions? Well, sometimes. And they have to be in context, increasing our own self-awareness. You know, we're always working on ourselves as well, you know. But there is one thing in particular that we provide that is so critical, especially in these difficult times
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: that it is about the quality of your presence. It's not just being present, because sometimes people confuse it, being attentive with being present, but really being fully present with the person, and not just with an open mind. But how much we care about them, and also the courage we bring your emotions
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: that you put out have a bigger effect on them than your powerful questions and reflections and summaries. So I want to start here, and what it is that I mean. And so again, it's a special type of presence, not just
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: present, I mean, I can be present to nature outside my window, but to really be in nature. To be in this space with my clients is so important.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So again, I'm going to ask you to write just a word or 2, no sentences, but I want you to think of someone who prompted you to change your life forever, and it doesn't have to be like oh, I felt so great it could have been a moment where they said something to you, and it hurt.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and maybe even embarrassed. But you learn from it, and it changed you.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: But so it could have happened when you were a child. It could have happened, you know, yesterday it could have been a parent, a teacher, a best friend. It could have been the grumpy neighbor next door, and so recall a moment, and if you would write in the chat, what do you think really made the difference? What inspired you actually to make the change?
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So if you could write that.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So let's see genuine concern.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: they noticed. I procrastinated. Okay, so there is. They brought some self-awareness to you, unconditional love, loving care.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: the heart and deep care they were willing to challenge.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay?
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And so there's a lot of things about
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: the care that they brought to it, that they had an open heart, even if a
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: it was something that hurt. It was something that hurt. But you know, when I asked this question and look at it, what the
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: what often comes up when we start discussing it is. The person did this because they believed in you.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: They believed in you.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and they wanted to see you grow. And this is, you know, Jessica, I'm going to call you out because I saw your thing in chat about that habit of wanting to give advice to let people know. Oh, yeah, I know about this situation, and you think you know what they should do, which you know, of course, anytime we make an assumption that we know exactly what they went through. We're wrong because we have not lived their experience.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: But the thing is is that when I feel
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: that you believe in me, that all that care and that heart that you bring to me. But it's with the intention that you really want me to develop that you really want me to grow, that you believe that I can do things beyond what I, even thinking I can do, and I may be in a very doubtful place.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Would you believe in me, and there's an energy exchange with that. So it's not just I care about you, but I believe in you, and we give them that words with No, without the emotion, are meaningless. It's like, yeah, right? It's like, my boss always saying, you're my best employee. Yeah, right?
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: You know. But but the belief, because what that means is, you see me, and and you know one of the things that that has gotten worse
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: over time, you know, with all our distractions. And our technology is we don't see people. We don't see people, you know. When I took improv acting we had to do an exercise where we walked around the room without talking, and maybe even without smiling. But just every person we walked by we had to see them.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and it was very scary, because there's a vulnerability that goes into that giving myself that much to you that I see you. You know you could reject me.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: but that's what we do when we coach, you know, and using, and many of you know that know me. I believe in reflection even more than those powerful questions. The questions come from the summary, from the reflection to let you hear how you're thinking. And then I ask the question, because that really shows that I am there with you, not just listening to your words, but I see you
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and understand your perspective. I appreciate where you are. Even if I think you could do better.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: I appreciate that this is the way you see it right now.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and I value you and know you're a smart person that can see through this just with my help to facilitate your thinking. You don't need my advice
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: like, even when a new leader comes to me and says, Well, I don't know how to be a leader. I've never been one. I don't say
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: I work for a leader.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: What did you like that? They did? What is it. You said, oh, I'll never do that, and we work from there to have them develop. Who is the leader they want to be? Because I believe that they have.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Recognizing that they have that wisdom.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: I just got one of those notes that says your Internet connection is unstable. So please let me know if I freeze up and need to repeat anything.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay, so their spirit will be uplifted with your presence more than your words.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So I want to tell you a little bit about the 1st time I really felt seen.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So yes, this is me. And I grew up in a family where we we my Dad loved to sing. We sang songs, and we loved to laugh together, and everybody talked over each other. We were loud and and very active, and and we all loved to learn. And so we questioned each other because of that.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Well know that these aren't necessarily the characteristics that do well in grade school, that most of my my fellow students had grown up in environments where, you know, kids should be seen and not heard, which was not the case in my family and and my culture
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And so when I was in school, I wanted to talk to people about what they were learning. I wanted to make them laugh.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and I did the big, deadly thing. I asked my teacher questions which they felt were a challenge, and I spent most of my grade school years in the corner of the classroom. I think I've seen all the corners in my life.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: When my mother passed away I found my report cards. And all these teachers had wrote these things about how I needed to get help. There was something wrong with me. Things like she needs to improve control in relation to her talking, I mean, that's all they said. They didn't note that. Oh, but she does really well in school, because I always got
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: top top scores. It was about what I was doing wrong until the 6th grade.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: I had a teacher called Miss Wickware
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and Miss Wickware. She saw me. She didn't put me in the corner. She put my desk right next to hers so that way she could talk to me. She made me laugh, and she let me ask her questions.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: you know, and and I think she saved me with the whole. You know something's wrong with me to like. Well, maybe something is not so wrong with me.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and that's the thing. And this is the one comment she wrote on my report card, doesn't she love everyone?
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And I didn't even know this till I looked at this report card, you know, many years later, and I
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and I remember that I remember her, and how much she meant to me.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: That she saw a possibility in me, and that maybe I broke the rules.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: you know, but I just needed just to do it in a little different way, and that's the value that you give. And this is why, when you're not trusting the coaching process, it's like, well, I think they need my advice here, or you know I'm not sure what value I'm giving, because I'm not giving them, you know, something to read or something to do.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: but that's the value we see people. You know your client. It may be the only time during the day that they really feel this person sees me. They really see me.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and it's more and more important the more difficulties that we face
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and that people see, feel, seen.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: they feel, really heard. Don't jump in and and act like you know what they're talking about till you hear them.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: you know, and that we believe in them.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So what this does is that emotion that we see them? I am here for you
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: is the emotion, and that's what creates the psychological safety to where they trust enough to allow us to coach them to break through the frames of their beliefs, of their thinking.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and not just thinking about a situation, but thinking about who I am and who I can be.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: that they will go there. You know people often say to me when I do, Demos.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: well, you must. You must know. You know you bring people, you know, most of the time. I don't want to coach somebody. I know. I want to show you that I don't know this person, but we get into it, and they always say it's like, Wow, I felt like this was just a conversation, and I felt comfortable right away.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: you know, and and the sad thing is, there's so many coaches that I, when I mentor them when they go through one of my training
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: that they don't start coaching till halfway into the session, and then I hear them coach. But they think they have to do all these things up front. I have to ask, you know. Make sure that we have the agreement and and the measure of success, and you know all those things that I have to checklist, but you can get to that without thinking about it.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: You just remember I have to know where we're going
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and what's getting in your way from getting there from starting even.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And then, what's 1 thing you might start to do? That's all we have to remember. And you're going to get those competencies in there, and I think you'll see that
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: in my demo. And I have had people say, would that pass? Because I didn't ask the question. So what do you want out of our time together? I don't. I listen for what they want, and then I feed it back to them and ask them, is that what you want to spend your time on? And that's far more powerful than asking them when they probably don't know. Especially don't ask that at the beginning of the coaching, because they don't know. They're just going to reiterate the problem.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And what happens is when we believe in them, and we coach them that they will. Then, when they have that discovery, because we're coaching Middle Brain, where the creative process rewires all your wiring in there, instead of just dealing with the short-term memory and your cognitive stew
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: when they discover it on their own. It's almost always that they then have more confidence to go out there, and even if it's uncomfortable to stick with it when we tell them what to do. As soon as they feel awkward, they go back to old behavior, telling people what to do, giving them your best advice is actually the least effective way of creating sustainable change. And please know, I've been researching learning
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: since my
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: in the late 1980 S. It was my second master's degree. It was in adult learning. And I'm like, well, this is interesting. I need to know more.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: because I was then running training departments and needed to figure out what I was doing.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and I could get better at training. But it wasn't until I found coaching that, I said, there's something different in learning. I see coaching as a learning technology. This is the value and the gift you give people
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: in coaching, so when you just define it to them, say, you know, I'm here to help you sort through all your thinking and all the things that are kind of, you know, getting in the way and getting confused, and to sort it out, and to see what's beyond
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: what you're thinking about today that you might see new possibilities and even have the confidence to try.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: You can say it just like that.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And that's, you know, to most people. It's like, Wow, really, you can do that. You can do that for me again. That's far more powerful, you know, than than the other learning technologies that we're used to.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: That's the magic of coaching that you know, people we get stuck in who we think we are. And then we just go out looking for confirmation, that confirmation bias. Yeah, okay, I'm good at this. I'm not that. And and we don't go beyond. We don't go beyond our not just the perception of a situation, but our perception of self in the situation.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And so we even make up. You know, reality is just. We make it up.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: because if you think about what you thought was reality 20 years ago, I'm sure most of you
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: see things differently now, so know that you know it changes and shifts as we grow.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: But
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: there's a thing that gets in the way for growth, that this is what why they need to be seen. They need to be heard. They need to hear their thinking out here in order to change it is that the brain
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: doesn't like to not know the brain actually inhibits you from learning on your own, because, in order to for me to take on something new, a new perception, a new sense of self, I have to let go of the old.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and in that quick gap
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: there's a sense of not knowing, and the brain hates that it doesn't like to not know. The brain is a meaning making machine. I look out the window and you know, whatever it is that I label what I see. I know that, you know, and I might see
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: a piece of paper roll down the street because it's really windy, and think, Oh, look! There's a cat!
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Because I immediately made meaning out of my perception until I see some other evidence that it's something else.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So, because of this, not liking to not know.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: the brain deeply holds on to what I know now.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and that's why it's difficult to change people's minds, because they're holding on to this as a protective mechanism. And if you. If you tell them they should think differently, then they pretty much either will shut down or get defensive. The brain chooses to stay home instead of explore. It chooses self-preservation
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: over self-actualization.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Even when I know that I'm not doing my best, or I'm not serving myself with my beliefs.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: The idea that I'm going to change is very difficult. And and so we tend to rationalize. Why we think what we do or why we do what we do. Well, yeah, I'm going to change, but not right now.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: because we avoid the discomfort of the not knowing that comes before knowing.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: you know. And like, I said, I keep saying the self, because until we change our perception of self in a situation, we probably won't change our behavior. So more and more I look at identity-based coaching when someone, when we finally get to the picture of what it is they want to create.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: you know their envisioned future, or even if it's just in the next meeting.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: I always say so. Who are you in that picture.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: you know, and then we can compare with how they're defining themselves now and find that that definition of self now is what's holding them back.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: It's the very self that needs to die for the future self to emerge.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And once they start, even if it's just to start on the path of becoming.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: That's when you get sustainable change. And that was, you know, running training departments for.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: what 12 years! That's what I was always looking for. How do you create sustainable change, things that are going to last, behavioral change that will last which requires a shift in self, a relook at my values. You know the the things that trigger my emotional reactions. So it's a deep somebody mentioned about self-awareness. Yes, we have to do that ourselves as a coach, but it's also what we do.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: for our clients. I just got off a coaching session, and and he had hired me. He recognized that he kind of lacked emotional intelligence in his reactive state. And we've just been working on, I said, you know you're not going to make this go away. Let's just start with self-awareness.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and he's done so well in identifying those moments. And he he says, you know I don't fix them necessarily in the moment. And I said, Well, I'm glad you're not expecting yourself to do that.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: but he's seeing how the the awareness leads to shift.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: you know. And it's just so amazing to me to watch him learn this as he applies it out in the world.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So we humans are master rationalizers. When I used to teach leadership you know, I was asked to teach delegation, and I always said, You know, I'm not going to teach you how to delegate. You can get that on the Internet. I want to know why you don't.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And we look at what were the blocks to delegating the things that you say. Well, you know, there's not much time I should just do it myself, or I don't really trust anyone else to do it. All those things that stop you when probably underneath. It's just that you want to do it, you know. Or if other people can do this, then what value am I?
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So the smarter you are, the better you are at rationalizing. This is why it's, you know, really great. When we can coach
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: people who have been successful. You know I have somebody I'm coaching right now is extremely successful, and he even said to me, last time I saw him, he said. What you've made me realize is those things that I thought were right is that I'm rather naive in my life right now. I'm kind of like isolated from the real world, and I love that, that he's having that awareness that he doesn't know everything, even though he's made a ton of money.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And that maybe he he still needs to be open to learning.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So we need external thought, disruptors to embrace other seeing. And that's what you are.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: coach! An external thought disruptor. It was
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: neuroscientist Michael Gazzaniga who said that that it must be someone outside of ourselves to have us to be able to to examine our thinking out here
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: because we can't do it on our own. And there's recently been some studies that demonstrate this. So we disrupt and expand thinking. And you know what I have found. This is really a lot more fun to be a trusted thinking partner than to think. I have to know all the answers, because I don't, and none of you do. And even if you think oh, I know their situation, I know what they should do. No, you don't.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: because you have not lived their experience. So you can't really say you've done the same thing as them. You've lived through that you've lived through something similar.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: but not the same as them.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So we still have to stay curious. So when I said, There's some research, there was a study done
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: mid 2022, just with 16 people. So you know, I know some people. I was actually talking to the coaches in Italy, and they said, this guy Bortholemy actually presented this research to them, which is exciting and hoping to expand it. But they they found out a problem that each of the 16 people were facing a challenge that they were struggling with.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and then they gave them 3 different options. But they put a brain monitor on their head, and they gave them a button to push every time they had a creative insight, you know a possible solution.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So the 1st situation was, they gave him a very quiet, comfortable room to just think through. The problem on their own gave him space to think it through.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And then, after that, you know they had a few ideas, and they gave him a mentor who gave them some advice. Their opinions shared their own stories with them.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and what they found in the brain. Monitor was. There was not much brain activity. You know. I've always said mentoring pacifies the brain. When you give them advice, you're pacifying the brain. You're not activating it.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: you know, and and so both of them. I even think one person there fell asleep so solitary, sorting on our own, even if you think you're a great problem solver
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and mentoring it doesn't truly activate the brain. For most people some people had some activity.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: but then they gave them a coach, someone who used reflective statements and open-ended questions, and they found the coach approach not only led to the highest activity in the brain, but far more times that they pushed the button when they had insights, which does show the value that when we stay in coaching mode which I know.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: it's a habit that's hard to create. If you're used to in your life to giving advice. I was a trainer all those years, and I had to shut up and not teach them in the moment difficult to shift. So it takes some practice takes time, but yet
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: the value of activating the brain, and then, when they see the the new ideas on their own, how much more powerful that is, it actually
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: changes the structure of their wiring and supports their growth
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: so powerful coaching as clients climb a tree in their mind where they can gain a greater view and see out here they're thinking where they can see. Oh, look! That doesn't make sense, does it? You know, and when they have contradicting thoughts and and the things that are holding them back because they're afraid, and the shoulds you should always call out a should. So you said, Should. There is that
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: who's saying should? Is that something you think you should do is is it your family, your culture? Tell me more about why you think you should do this because people don't think about it. They just say it. They just say it.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So I told you I've been researching
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: learning. So there's fact-based learning, which is most of what we had in school, where people opened our brains dumped in facts, and then they quizzed us on it. And then if I gave you those quizzes today, most of you probably wouldn't pass. I know I wouldn't. And then there's fear-based. You better do this, or else you know. But then I want you to change your behavior in the future, to be adaptable, to be agile, and your brain resists because you learn on fear it's protective. It's like, No, no, I can't change.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So the most efficient as well as effective. Based learning is insight-based learning where we do look to create the Aha moments, and it doesn't have to be a huge wow, you know now I see it. It could just be a the moment the of course, you know, or a little where they smile. And okay, I get it, you know, that's also a breakthrough.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So we expand their perspective of self as well as the situation, and that creates the transformation that's so powerful. And they have struggle on their own. So coaching equals creative insights which equals learning.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And this is going to occur mostly because they feel the energy of your compassionate, accepting and appreciative presence. You appreciate where they're at wherever they are.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: with your open mind, with curiosity, with your heart, like many of you, said in the chat
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: with your compassion, with your love and your gut, with your courage, with your courage to to share what you're hearing, and and not be afraid, you know. So a lot of you come from a heart. Space may be difficult to access to open your gut, your courage center.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: That's your work. That's your work for me. I always was a risk taker. And then I worked for these tech companies for 11 years, and I had to be, because if any of you know me. I saw Eli. You're here. You could tell them I'm not a tall person. I'm very, very small, and so I needed to be heard, and
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: I closed my heart working in those companies, and I had to learn it was my improv acting where I had a an amazing teacher that
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: taught about living with the breath.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: you know, and she's the one who recognized. You need to open up your heart. You need to be fully vulnerable and open, and I know you've spent many years closing it down. So we have to have head, heart, and gut fully open, and then they will trust you, because, you know, there was some research done. There's a lot of research in what they call polyvagal theory, polyvagal meaning your head heart gut.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And the impact by doing this and creating psychological safety without words.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And they 1st studied this with a therapist who worked with trauma patients and found that people who had never spoke of their trauma in their life. When they sat in the presence of a therapist
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: who had an open heart and gut, they spoke of it.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: It came out. It's very powerful, the presence, the quality of the presence, the openness, even though you may feel vulnerable.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: You know what if they don't agree with me. What what if they don't like it? What if they don't like me back?
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: That's where you pull in your courage to just stay with it. I had a client
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: hang scream at me and hang up one time, but you know
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: I knew her well enough, knew she would eventually call me back, and she did. But it wasn't, you know. I just asked her a question about what she had just said. It wasn't challenging her, and it was just hard for her to hear it.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: But she's amazing what she has done since that time.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So when we do this, we actually it's a biochemistry of coaching
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: the when they feel so safe with you they bond, and that that the the hormone and neurotransmitter oxytocin is released.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and then they release serotonin and dopamine in the brain which overrides any anxiety that they feel
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and inspires them to open up and think about their thinking, and to see what's possible. So there is a biochemical reaction in coaching that's really powerful. So coaching is a partnership in a spontaneous interaction. I want you to feel as if it's just a conversation we're having. I'm not doing it to you.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: because then there can be emerging of the minds they call it resonance. The energy connects in the field between us.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: because the protective brain is always reading energy, always reading energy. And if we could come together, you know, and sync and align with this feeling of safety and and love and courage. It's amazing what can occur in the moment and know that you don't disappear. This isn't about you not being there like I have to hold myself back.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Know your present is strong, and it's very liberating for them when you believe they are creative, resourceful, and whole.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So I just loved this work
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and this quote, when you feel like you want to make them feel better or tell them what to do.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: return to the state of presence. I am here for you.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: I am here for you. It's not your job to make them feel better, to ever ever say. Oh, you don't have to feel that way. Don't do that. You're negating the way they feel, you know, to jump in and
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: run up and get them a kleenex, you know, without asking, would a kleenex be useful? And if it doesn't seem like they need it, don't jump up and do that. Don't make them weak for any response they have. It's just a human experience. And generally that means they saw something new. Crying is good. A little bit of frustration or embarrassment is good because they now see something different.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: You give them a moment to experience the emotional state you're silent, you care.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And then, when they start to the emotion starts to diminish. You can say, would you be willing to share with me what just came up for you?
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And that's the best thing that keeps them strong in that moment, and they still feel I am here for you.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So we coach to see the light in their eyes or the gasp when they have an insight.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and this is a collective, a co-creative process, both for the coach and the client. And this is going to be hard to replicate with artificial intelligence, you know, certainly just asking questions and summarizing back can be replicated.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: But that sinking of emotional states is going to be sometimes certainly not in my lifetime that I'm going to see that replicated. That's the power. So if you focus on that, you've got job security.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: you know, it's really important.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: because people are always saying, Well, what do you think about that? And I've been doing some presentations. And actually, all of what I just share with you is going to be in the new 1st chapter of Coach the person, not the problem, but it doesn't come out for a year, so I'm sharing it with you now.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So always start, always start. It's so important that you spend time. Don't move forward quickly to just, you know. Ask them about what do they want to talk about today? What's the challenge on their mind
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and listen for? What is the problem? But what is it they're saying they want, or if they're not saying it, what is it indicating that they would like instead? So we want to get clear. The agreement is, we're both clear
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: on what it is you want to have or change or create. That's not happening. Now.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: if you don't get clarity on this and it's not.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: I want confidence. It's not an emotion. So
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: okay, so what is the confidence going to give you in this situation that you're really wanting? It's not a decision. So you know what's making this decision so important?
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And what's making this decision so difficult.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: you know, because most of the time, if there's no emotion, they can make the decision, M,
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: or what's leading to the confusion.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So which helps them start to unwrap
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: what it is they really want, and and and it can take some time.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: I say, Coach slow, and the rest of it will be fast oftentimes in just the clarity up front, and even with closed questions, because I'm just confirming what I heard, and they go. Huh! Right?
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: That could be a breakthrough, so I can get breakthroughs right up front just by staying in this space. So you just start with you know what's on your mind. So what is the desired outcome of our time together is not what you ask up front.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: That's what you're aiming for. So you just start generically. You know what's on your mind today? What are you bringing to our session? And even if they say I don't know, I haven't thought about it. So okay, so think about this past week. Was there any situation that you walked away thinking, well, that didn't go so well that you'd like to talk through, you know. Usually they come up with something. If you just give them a moment to reflect on their
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: past few days
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and then listen to their story, and it's going to start to emerge what they want. Don't just no way reflect it back and see what they say, because oftentimes it's going to be a
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: a little throwaway at the end of their paragraph where they say, Yeah, you know, this is things going on. I really want this to change, and at the end they under their breath, they say.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: but I doubt it's ever going to happen, and as soon as you, you know I so what's making you doubt it will happen? Is that what's getting in the way of you creating this, you know, so they will tell you what's in the way and what they want. But you got to stay with them.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and if they have more than one or 2 things or 3,
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: you know you say. Well, you you know you name these 3 things which one is most important for you to look at now, and I was surprised I did a
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: a demo, was it yesterday, the day before? It's all blending, and she named like 3 things, and I thought she would pick the 1st one that had to do with confidence. And no, she picked the 3rd one that had to do with
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: what?
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: What's stopping her from from just identifying herself as a coach.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And so, you know, you let them choose. You don't choose for them.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So start with, you know, just understanding and using reflections to make sure you understand. And you hear what they're saying, and that's what's important to them.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Then you get into the questions, well, what would be different for you if you get what you want? What do you hope to get from making this decision or creating the plan? If they say I want to do a plan. They can do a plan on their own. What's stopping them from doing the plan or making the decision?
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And what will they get out of the plan or decision once they do it?
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: What is it that they hope to have or to change? What does it look like.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and then you can ask, you know, don't just out of contest.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Context acts so. Who are you? They don't know. So once you have the picture of what they want to create. Then you could say, Who are you in that picture?
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Then you could go back to? So how does that relate to how you define yourself today.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and you might see exactly what it is they need some coaching on, or they will see it
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: from those questions. So your superpower honestly is to help them see their thinking.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: to, to say, just say and listen to how I do this. So you're saying this, or you got quiet or loud.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: or you pause and look away. Would you be willing to share what's coming up for you?
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: This is what you do. You help them see their reality, how they're seeing the situation, their identity. They have to see that 1st before they will see beyond it.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So we, we.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: we work to identifying what it is they want. And then the questions are around, well, what's really stopping this smart person from seeing a way forward on their own.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And so then we have to look at what's stopping them. What's getting in the way? What do they need to resolve? Once we see that, then it can lead at the end to what steps they would now take. So be curious about meaning inferred beliefs.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: you know so and just ask them, you know. What do you mean by that?
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: You know just simple words that they use, you know. But in this context, what do you mean?
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: I'm trying to think of an example. There was one yesterday, but I can't remember what it was, but it was just something that he had said. You know, all these people are in conflict. So tell me what you see as conflict
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: to ask about that use their words, and and anytime you offer a reflection, they can
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: tell you you're wrong, because it's going to lead to what it really is, so don't be afraid to be wrong and notice the emotions. Don't be afraid of them.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: You aren't there to help them feel better? That's not your job. Coaching isn't rah-rah. I'm going to make you feel more confident.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: I'm here to help you see better, and it probably will lead to confidence.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So, and the best time to catch the breakthrough is when you notice that pause when they look away.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: What's coming up for you when they give you that smile? Oh, yeah, okay. So what just came up for you in that moment that you smiled
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: when they sigh. I remember Manager
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: sighing about something I said, so, okay, so what did you just realize in that moment? He says, I am so embarrassed to say it, you know, because I realize how much responsibility I have in this problem that I've not been wanting to accept just because I recognize the sigh.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So it's really important. And then at the end, when you say, Okay, what's the next step? What will you do? But always ask by when. So there's a commitment. Could anything get in the way? And if it relies on somebody else whoops
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: if it relies on somebody else, you know a conversation they need to have if it doesn't turn out, what will you do next?
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Just so they prep for that and don't feel like it's a failure.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay, so that's
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: quickly coach the person one on one, and I want to do a demo. So you can see me doing this, and then there'll be some time for you to ask questions, so look for the way I use presence, or notice how I use reflective statements, and I may even use closed questions just to clarify.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And you know, and then I open up my questions. Once we dig into what's holding them back.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and if you see any insights.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So we'll ask questions after.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay, so I know you guys identified someone for me to coach correct, or you had volunteers.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Did you choose one.
Joe Donaldson: We have a
Joe Donaldson: we did, we did, and while I'm getting that person on as a panelist to join us, Brian has a a few words to share with us. During this transition
Joe Donaldson: Brian.
Brian Miller: Oh, goodness! I took a page of notes, Marcia. I I wrote down a ton of stuff that was so helpful to me. I downloaded humankind a hopeful history. Listen to it yet, because I was listening to you.
Brian Miller: But I'm looking forward to that. Let me just take a moment to say that if you're on this webinar and you are someone who's like this sounds great. I would. I've never I don't have any training, would love to start doing this. February 20, th we have
Brian Miller: our foundations class starting.
Brian Miller: That's a class to come in and say what is coaching and go through all the skills to actually get some practice. Try it out. So if you're interested in starting coaching, we've got a class starting February 20.th
Brian Miller: We'd love to have you there? If you are a coach, and you're like, boy, this reminder of the competencies is so helpful
Brian Miller: you might think about joining our community if you haven't already. Most many people have. But but if you we have a monthly learning lab where Laura Stevens read, who reminds me a little bit of you, Dr. Marsha, the
Brian Miller: you know, the the gentle spirit.
Brian Miller: you know, staying true to to what coaching is.
Brian Miller: Spend an hour with with the Laura Stevens Reed once a month. That also gets you Cces.
Brian Miller: or maybe you are a coach, and you're like, you know, what I don't have is clients. I'd love to be doing this, but I don't have clients. You might think about joining the community and join me in the business development, creating some gravity. How clients can
Brian Miller: come your direction.
Brian Miller: We would love to have you play a part in that.
Brian Miller: so I hope I didn't
Brian Miller: break the flow here. Your flow is so strong.
Brian Miller: Marcia, that I doubt that I did, but
Brian Miller: but I know we have a client, Joe, are we.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Just say that.
Joe Donaldson: Yes.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Yeah, I'm going to share a Pdf of the slides.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So.
Joe Donaldson: Thank you.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Great. Thank you. If you'll send that to us, we'll put it on the okay.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So if you could just Joe, just PIN. I guess it's Elaine I'm coaching. If you could.
Joe Donaldson: Yes.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And so they people only see us.
Joe Donaldson: Right.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Great.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And let me do my view.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Oops, gallery hide, non-video participants. Okay, Elaine, thank you. I really appreciate this.
Elaine Haralampoudis: You're welcome. I appreciate it even more probably. Thank you so much.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: You're welcome, so I know you had to like share what was on your mind in the chat, but I didn't read it, so. Could you just tell me what your challenge is?
Elaine Haralampoudis: Sure. So I briefly shared in the chat that I am going to be meeting with my supervisors, my Deans, in regards to a possible promotion for myself.
Elaine Haralampoudis: So I currently am an academic coach at a medical school.
Elaine Haralampoudis: My official title is Education Specialist. I am a certified Acc, so I have the additional title of Academic life. Coach.
Elaine Haralampoudis: I will be chatting with them in terms of possibly a directorship
Elaine Haralampoudis: becoming a director of academic advising.
Elaine Haralampoudis: That's where I'm at.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So what is it that you're that's making this a challenge for you?
Elaine Haralampoudis: There's a bunch of things that I think that come to me when I think of the challenge.
Elaine Haralampoudis: currently, I'm comfortable in my role.
Elaine Haralampoudis: So I'm asking myself a bunch of questions like, Why are you doing this? Yeah, there's a little bit of a vulnerability that I feel.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Oh.
Elaine Haralampoudis: By exposing myself to this type of responsibility.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Yeah. So those are the 2 that come up to me right now.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay. So that's what it sounds as if that's what the voice is saying. You're gonna have to do a whole lot more than what you're doing now.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: if you do this and you're questioning, that is that is that what's happening in your brain?
Elaine Haralampoudis: Yes, that's part of it. There is also a little bit of imposter syndrome.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Can I do this? Am I worthy of that type of title.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Am I worthy of that responsibility?
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So it sounds as if you feel like they'll probably give it to you that that's more. You're more worried about getting it than not getting it.
Elaine Haralampoudis: It's not a given. I'm not even sure if they're aware of what I'm gonna present to them in our conversation next week.
Elaine Haralampoudis: So I'm not sure if it's a given.
Elaine Haralampoudis: there is the fear of them saying, No.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Yeah.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Not qualified for that.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Hmm might be a relief.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Perhaps.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: All right. So Elaine, what you're saying? What I heard was the biggest challenge
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: is that number one. There's going to be a lot more to do. But number 2, you're questioning, then. Am I going to be capable to do that?
Elaine Haralampoudis: I am questioning. Am I capable of doing that?
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay. So
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: being that we never know when we walk into a new situation, what it's going to entail. And if I can, what is it that you, when you present to them that you want to be feeling about
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: this work? That would be most important to you?
Elaine Haralampoudis: Capable.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Capable.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay, so tell me what capable means to you.
Elaine Haralampoudis: So it's almost like an inferiority complex. Currently, all of my colleagues are either Doctors Mds
Elaine Haralampoudis: and then there's little me with a master's degree in counseling.
Elaine Haralampoudis: so I look at all of them as they
Elaine Haralampoudis: be smarter than me, more accomplished than me.
Elaine Haralampoudis: So that's where the capable is. Am I capable of?
Elaine Haralampoudis: You know.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: What what are you wanting to do? It sounds like you're wanting to expand coaching.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Is there something else that you feel? Would that
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: would require more intelligence and experience than than coaching.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Perhaps there is, but I would be willing to learn further. Perhaps there is more education for myself in the actual
Elaine Haralampoudis: yeah.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So I heard you define yourself as little me compared to these very smart people, with lots of things next to their name
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and that.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: But yet what they do is not what you're asking to do.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Right.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Yes.
Elaine Haralampoudis: So why am I doing that.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Oh, so tell me what just came up for you.
Elaine Haralampoudis: I'm almost comparing myself to them rather than seeing myself as different and serving a different role and a different purpose.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay?
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So when you come forth to serve in a different role and different purpose than these smart, well-educated people
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: tell me about that? What is that all about.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Well, that goes back to my personal professional regrets.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Oh, okay, stuff that you should have.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: I just cool.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: You should like to be there and.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Have to get over that.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Oh, so is that's what's holding you back is the comparison of that? Who am I to be asking for this when you've got all these
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: big people, not little me, but big me. People around you.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Yeah.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So who do you want to be in that picture?
Elaine Haralampoudis: That's a good question.
Elaine Haralampoudis: I thought you were. Gonna ask me that.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: You did, why.
Elaine Haralampoudis: As a coach. I would ask that question, but.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: But it relates to how you define you defining yourself today, which you said I got to get over it. You know as little me. It shouldn't be little me, you know, so if you're not little me, who are you?
Elaine Haralampoudis: I'm no longer Lilly.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay. But that doesn't answer the question. Who are you when you're no longer little.
Elaine Haralampoudis: I am someone who's competent, experienced.
Elaine Haralampoudis: I am respected.
Elaine Haralampoudis: There are a few that perhaps do not respect me, but that's that's their issue, not mine.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay. I am competent at what I'm doing, and I'm doing something they don't do.
Elaine Haralampoudis: That's correct.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And, in fact, a lot of those
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: big Me people probably should learn some coaching.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Oh, gosh! Yes!
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay. So so what are you bringing that they don't have.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Oh, so much more.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: What is more.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Hey! Listen!
Elaine Haralampoudis: I offered the time to hear.
Elaine Haralampoudis: and they may be rushing the conversation and being judgmental.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So you come in. You see, people you accept them for who they are without judgment.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So next it's next week when you go in and ask for this position.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Tomorrow morning.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Tomorrow morning.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So okay.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Number 2 is Tuesday. Next week.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay. So you said, I have to get over that in order to show up so as capable me instead of little me. So so tell me, what do you think you need to do to make sure you maintain capable me
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: throughout that meeting, that you walk in the door with it, and you maintain it.
Elaine Haralampoudis: I don't know
Elaine Haralampoudis: some self reflection.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Take some time to organize my thoughts.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So when you said to me before, I just have to get over that, you said it was such.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: I just have to get over that you said it very clearly, so tell me
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: I have to get over that.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: What do you do to get over that?
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: I hear reflection.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Yeah.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Yeah. But what else? What do you do to get over that?
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: To be capable of me when I walk through the door.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Well, it's being confident.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay, so what are you going to do? To
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: walked through the door with confidence.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Recognize my value.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Before you walk through the door.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Recognize the value that I'm offering their students.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay? And you listed that out to me.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay, so are you comfortable with saying that the value you offer.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Yes.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Yes, he said it very quickly.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Yeah.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So you have no problem saying, this is what the students need that they're not getting, and I'm the one who can give it to them.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Yes, because I currently am.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And you said that with a lot of confidence.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay, I've seen a shift in you already.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Yeah.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So it's tomorrow morning. So what are you going to do? Where are you, anyway.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Where Florida all right now.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay,
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So it's afternoon for you. No.
Elaine Haralampoudis: 12 o'clock.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay. You got a half a day.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And evening.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Tell me one thing you're going to do after this is over today to make sure that you remember your value, and why you should be there, and that it's capable of me that walks through the door. What's 1 thing.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Clearly define the value.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay. So you're going to sit down and really define the value that you're going to share with them.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Because the rest of their faculty are scientists.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And they teach anatomy, and they teach physiology, and they.
Elaine Haralampoudis: I do something of value.
Elaine Haralampoudis: That's a lot different from everyone else.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So it's more humanistic than scientific.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Yes.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Great. Okay, so good. Is there anything else you need to support you in this meeting?
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: You're having tomorrow.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Need to shut off my inner voice.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Can you do that?
Elaine Haralampoudis: That is really hard. I'm gonna tell her to be quiet.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay, well, that you notice it.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Yep.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Oh, there it is! Oh, there it is.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and what you said! Be quiet for now, at least till this is over.
Elaine Haralampoudis: They need to do. Yeah.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Yeah, okay, so are we good for now, can we open it up for questions?
Elaine Haralampoudis: I'm good for now. Thank you so much.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Oh, you're so welcome! Thank you.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and thank you for sharing, going in and sharing.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: I know that there's other people that are facing similar types, things, or even saying I'm a coach to strangers is off awful weird. I remember for me, like always saying, I do this coaching thing.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Yeah, it took a long time before I could say it. Yeah.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Play sports. No, I can't catch a ball.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Yeah, very good. All right. So we're going to invite everyone back, Joe, if you would unpin us. And
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and if they have questions, that's me. I'm a coach. It's hard for me, too, I know.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Hmm!
Joe Donaldson: Yeah. And and so if people have questions, we can write you to post those in chat. And and then we'll monitor those for for Marcia.
Joe Donaldson: Did you have any debriefing questions with Elaine? You wanted to to ask her, Marcia.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: No, I'm not sure what that is.
Joe Donaldson: Oh!
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Do you.
Joe Donaldson: Well,
Joe Donaldson: I you mean, I guess we could ask Elaine what? What? The what was significant to you in that conversation.
Elaine Haralampoudis: You know I know all of this.
Elaine Haralampoudis: I know all this, but it's always been a confidence thing with me, and and the folks that back me up, and my support system is like, why do you think this about yourself? And
Elaine Haralampoudis: so I know this.
Elaine Haralampoudis: It's it's that inner voice that still says, I don't know if you're good enough.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Yeah.
Elaine Haralampoudis: Yeah.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: You know, imposter syndrome is not
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: is not what you have. Syndrome indicates a pathology.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: you know. I really hate that statement. You know you just you're stepping into something new. The brain doesn't like not knowing. And most of us, you know, can I do this? Can I do this, you know is a normal thing to me. The key thing was when you said the whole thing about
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: little me, because all these people they're they're big people. They have degrees, and they have all that.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Hmm afraid of them laughing at you, at their judgment.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: You know. And so for me
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: it was I helping you identify what makes you special that they don't have?
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Yeah.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And that's what I want you to hold on to. Yeah, when not women. What.
Joe Donaldson: Yeah, you have to look a little bit ahead of that. So we.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Oh!
Joe Donaldson: Had made a typo. But but a question had been asked just before that, if if
Joe Donaldson: a request that you could connect, what happened in that coaching conversation with the information you gave to us in the webinar.
Joe Donaldson: you know, kind of connect some of those dots.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: What I gave to her.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Oh, in the webinar. Oh, oh.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: yes, yes, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you. Yeah.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay, right? Right? Well, that's what I was hoping that you would see it in action. You know the whole questioning her. What she means by that, you know, staying with it, you know of what's really going on here, and and what she really wants, you know that kind of unfolded, you know, as we proceeded, so thank you
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: for recognizing that I practice what I teach.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Hmm.
Joe Donaldson: We do have a question. Marcia cam a lot of the coaches in our community, and part of coaches have some role in a church or a ministry setting a faith-based nonprofit. So one person just I'm not sure about Albert's coaching experience or background of where he is with that. But, he said. As you can see there, I see some spiritual aspect to this, and wondering, what do you think about that? And as preachers, we are doing a form of coaching.
Joe Donaldson: Myself. Yeah, I I agree, Marcia. I do have ministry background myself, and I don't see what I do in terms of that that particular role of preaching as coaching, not a role.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Yeah.
Joe Donaldson: Certainly in that pastoral role we used it a lot. Yeah.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: That I feel that we need to love our clients, you know.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: actually, it was interesting. My acting coach, you know. She says you've got to get out on the stage and and love your audience. And I remember walking out the next time in front of 1,500 people and thinking I love you, and I instantly felt totally naked.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And what if they don't?
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And I'm like, stay present. Stay here and just love them. I just, you know, stayed in that spot, and it was amazing. I sold like 300 books, and they just love me standing ovation. I did the same speech 3 days later, and I was tired, and I didn't really like this group.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Same speech, same stories, not much of a reaction. I think. I sold 10 books. It was the energy that full. I am here for you. I love you. I'm not here to tell you what I know and how brilliant I am. I just want to share some things with you as you go out into this world to help you deal with it and be successful.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: you know. So is that that sense of of I call it. You know, humanistic humanity of love.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: is it spirituality? You can call it that. It wouldn't be the same as yours. But yeah, but that sense of I am here for you as far as for preaching, I would say, though you know it's like in a role of mentor. I think you still have to define what is my purpose in this moment. And how do I carry it out? And if you're carrying it out by you doing most of the talking, it's not the same as coaching.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So yeah.
Joe Donaldson: Yeah.
Joe Donaldson: Someone asked or commented about your use of silence during that coaching demo?
Joe Donaldson: Right? Yeah. And if you might wanna.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Especially when she says I don't know
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: I was not going to let her get away with that, you know.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: I'm just going to be there, and I know she knows.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: But this is the thing that for her to get over, that I don't know how to do this
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: to declare. I do know how
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: won't be easy, but I do know how.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So yeah, yeah, was nice.
Joe Donaldson: I also noticed, as I was reading through your book, and you commented about it, you don't jump up to handle the kleenex to someone who's crying. And for those of us who have been in a ministry setting, we have this bias of wanting to be so compassionate, so helpful. And I think that's 1 of the reasons why there's that struggle with.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Yeah.
Joe Donaldson: Focusing on the problem, and not so much the person. But but it would take.
Joe Donaldson: Yeah. It would take great discipline not to jump up and hand that kleenex, because in a different setting in a
Joe Donaldson: counseling setting might be. But it's but it's part of our.
Joe Donaldson: you know, just part of our.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: No, I know. Well, we you know we want to take care of people and make.
Joe Donaldson: Better. Yeah.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: But I always say, are you willing to give up being the healer and the expert in order to be.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: I always taught that even to leaders I said, the worst thing you can do if you're you're having a conversation with a woman, and she starts to cry that you know it's like you. You jump up for a kleenex or say, Oh, you know, why don't you go? Take a moment, and you can come back. Don't do that.
Joe Donaldson: Want to.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Because again it makes them feel I've done something wrong and I'm weak. They're already mad at themselves for crying, but criers come out of it. All emotions have an arc, there's the trigger, there's the intensity, and then it starts to diminish. If you just hold the silence and love them, it will start to diminish, and then you can say, would you share with me what's coming up for you.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: you know, so you don't have to jump in and do anything. Just wait till it starts to subside, because it will.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and all
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: criers signal when it's happening. They're like, okay, or you know, they'll just throw up their hand. They'll let you know that they're ready to move on. Just wait! Wait for it.
Joe Donaldson: Yeah.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Yeah, yeah.
Joe Donaldson: Yeah, we have a question from Jessica in chat that she posted quite a while ago as well. So this is an important question. She wants to know how she can keep her emotions from disrupting her neutrality. She says she has the self control not to express her opinion in a coaching session, but people can still feel that she has an opinion.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay.
Joe Donaldson: Can see the internal struggle.
Joe Donaldson: Yeah, right?
Joe Donaldson: You're right, they said. They get. She has struggled to keep her neutral face. She's trying to suppress the media. Not. Yeah. Yeah. So.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay. So here's Jessica. Here's here's
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: your path of mastery. Quit thinking at all.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: I don't coach from. I didn't think
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: in that whole exchange. I never had a thought. I don't coach from my thinking I'm not a cognitive coach. It's what she gave me and what I offered back what she gave me and what I offered back, even in the moments of silence. I'm just holding the energy.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: you know, and caring about her and knowing that we can move on
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: if I, thinking, is the enemy of the coach. One of my favorite martialisms thinking is the enemy of the coach.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: so that you think you know the answer. You're in your head, Jessica, you know, and I know we're honored for what we know all of our lives, so it's difficult to make the shift. Remember, I've been coaching for 30 years.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: but I was a teacher. I was a trainer before I came into this, you know, and I love that we didn't have zoom then. We just had phones so they couldn't see me go.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: You know it was, you know, it took some years to really release that, and to trust that whatever I shared back with them, if it was wrong, they let me know, and we move on. But I receive. I don't just listen. I don't even like to use the word. Listen, because it sounds like an activity I receive.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: I receive what they give me with their words and their expressions.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: I summarize it. If you notice I do, I summarize. I only use some words when I give it back. I don't pair it. This is what sounds is most important. So what do you think about that? Or I'll ask a question about what I share I receive, and I offer back.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So if I would say anything, I think I even have
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: a slide. Let me see if I put it in yours.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: A little exercise.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: No, I don't have it. I'll come back to this, but I'll give you
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: the exercise just with your with, you know some of your coach buddies spend 5 min with them, just
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: receiving what they say, offering it back.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: being curious about it, asking questions, so summarize it, ask questions.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and do not go to starting to solve the problem, or you know what actions to take, or whatever. Just see if you can stay there for 5 min.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: you know, and then talk about it. And and you know I teach leaders this as a coaching approach. Just just be curious for 5 min. Share what you heard, ask them about it.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and it's amazing what they discover, you know, when they say, Oh, I can't do that. I was promoted because of what I know.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and I just try it for 5 min. So they feel seen and heard before you give them your advice.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So yeah, try that.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay.
Joe Donaldson: Yeah. And we have another question that had to do with expressing our natural personality in the coaching conversation. And clearly you demonstrated that with your laughter, and even some, perhaps some teasing along the way, and that you had a real camaraderie there with Elaine in that section. And so the question that's asked is.
Joe Donaldson: is that okay for us, too?
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: If you watch this again, I match energy.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay. So when she got quiet and almost, you know, in her face was a little difficult. I got quiet, and I stayed with her when she realized something, or she spoke it out loud. What she already knows, you know. Then I can. I could go there with her. So yes, it is okay. But don't do it out of context.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Okay, where are they that you know? If they laughed at themselves. You can laugh.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: you know, if they just, you know, realize? Yeah, yeah, I do that. Then, yeah, you can.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: you know, shared back
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: like even the other day when this guy asked me this question, I'm like, Hmm interesting question. But in the way you ask it, I sense you already know the answer, and he's like I do, I do. But I just want to get it confirmed.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So yeah, so of course, you know,
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: we're not a neutral thing, you know. This is a conversation, you know. It's not a I'm doing coaching to you. We're having a conversation.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: you know, and that's I had the best compliment from someone. I was doing a demo, and
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: it was a students were in the Middle East, and
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: people were saying, Wow! You know that it seemed like you may. You just flowed. And the guy said.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: you know I kept wondering when she was going to start coaching me, and then all of a sudden I had a breakthrough.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and I said, Thank you, because that's what it should be that this is just a conversation. I'm just sharing what I hear you say and asking you about it. And you shouldn't feel I'm doing something to you
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: yeah.
Joe Donaldson: Well, Marsha, I just want to thank you. This has been a just a fantastic time together
Joe Donaldson: good number of people with their questions and participation. I know that it's been a real rich time, and and as we wind down get ready to close off. Do you have any like last nugget of wisdom or word of encouragement for us.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Well, I do, and I'm going to share
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: my slide. So again, remember, the magic happens when they feel seen, understood, and special, that they do have what they need that they probably do know.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: but they're afraid to say it or afraid. It's not right.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: And and we're so lucky. I you know I'm here because I'm so grateful that I have found coaching, and that we can watch this evolving, opening and emerging greatness in others. And you're so lucky to have this wonderful community here
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: at Cam, and also the global community of coaches. There's so many coaches around the world. I teach for 5 coaching schools in 5 countries, and I love them all, you know, because they're all caring. And some of these people people ask, some of these countries, people say, how can you go there? I say people are not their politics, you know, if they invite me in, and usually it's by zoom, anyway.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: that we're all here to enliven, to open up, to maintain the human spirit even in the most difficult times.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So if you have a question, you know, that's my website, covisioning.com, my email. Those are my 2 latest books. I have a bunch
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and even somebody said about women, or whatever my doctoral dissertation was on smart, strong women in the workplace.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: and I wrote a book called Wander Woman, because we tend to wander so. Yeah, and all her trainings. Thank you, Eli.
Joe Donaldson: Yeah.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Yeah.
Joe Donaldson: Yeah. And and for those of you who attend, you know, some ask question about you know, we're gonna get this information. So you watch your email and you'll get a link from Cam.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: So that you can.
Joe Donaldson: You can watch this again and and get the slides that Marshall will be sending to us. And and you know, if if this community is something you'd like to be a part of. You've got that information in the emails as well, and you can join us
Joe Donaldson: for our regular webinars. We do these special guest webinars 3 or 4 times a year, where we ask someone like Marsha to come and present for us. And so you'll be on our mailing list, I assume, and you'll hear about the next one coming up as well. Just wanna thank everyone for being present. Today I'm Joe Donaldson, the
Joe Donaldson: manager for this online community. It's been my pleasure to host this event. And Marcia, so good to to be with you today.
Joe Donaldson: Thank you.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds: Thank you all right. See you.
Joe Donaldson: Alrighty!