Chad Hall: That we always find
Chad Hall: value even in just putting the webinars together. I feel like I learn a lot. So I think, no matter where you are in your journey. It's gonna be valuable for you today.
Brian Miller, PCC: Yeah, that's a good sign. I was looking at the webinar, even just preparing for this and thinking, this is great.
Brian Miller, PCC: you know, if I dare say so. This is helpful. This is good. This is good stuff. I'm looking forward to just participating in this welcome to the 7 questions that grow your clients. Webinar, with coach approach ministries. I'm Brian Miller. I'm the executive director of coach approach, and this is Chad Hall. He is the president of coach approach, and a founder of coach approach all the way back to
Brian Miller, PCC: 1870. No.
Chad Hall: Seems like it.
Brian Miller, PCC: Now early. 2 thousands coach approach right when coaching became a really solid thing that was being trained.
Brian Miller, PCC: Coach approach came into existence, and has existed
Brian Miller, PCC: ever since. We're glad you're here. If you want to fill out the the poll really quick, we would appreciate it. If you want to put where you're signing in from. We would love to hear that if you want to put into the chat.
Brian Miller, PCC: why, you were here, what do you. What do you hope to learn?
Brian Miller, PCC: During this webinar? That's just a good coaching training practice, anyway, just to be thinking about. What is it that you want to take away
Brian Miller, PCC: from this class this this webinar, and it also gives us a sense as well to help guide that conversation
Brian Miller, PCC: toward you, getting what you're looking for there.
Brian Miller, PCC: So I'm going to close the poll. Thank you so much, everybody for filling that out.
Brian Miller, PCC: We're talking about growth today, Chad, can you set the stage for us.
Chad Hall: Yeah, when we talk about these are questions that that help grow your clients. We're not using the word grow just as a stand in for help, you know, in some sort of vague way. For me, growth means something very specific. It means not just solving today's issue, which that in the business world of coaching we would call that performance. You're coaching for performance. You're helping somebody increase or improve
Chad Hall: their performance. But when we say growth, what we're talking about is really developing a deeper capacity for taking on things in the future. So you're you're growing stronger, better, more capable. You're reaching more of your potential. So you're not just able to deal with what you're dealing with today. You're stronger and more capable of dealing with things in the future.
Chad Hall: and whether you are coaching like Brian and I do in more of a business and leadership context. Or if you're coaching families, if you're coaching people preparing for retirement. If you've got a really specific niche, and you're coaching people, for I don't know. Sabbatical
Chad Hall: growth is a really important element of coaching, and it's a both. And so we are coaching people both to deal with today's stuff.
Chad Hall: But also, in addition to that, we're helping them grow their capacity for the future stuff.
Brian Miller, PCC: One of our favorite things to say is to coach the person, not the problem.
Brian Miller, PCC: and there is a growth that occurs in the person through the coaching. We don't just solve the problem. We we try to help the client grow as a person. Chad, there's so much change in the world just in my own life. Right now I'm an interim pastor of a church, and I am
Brian Miller, PCC: looking to transition out as they hire someone new. And as I transition out, it creates anxiety amongst folks. What's going to happen? Is it going to be okay that anxiety can pour over on me and my prayer lately in a very simple terms, has been, you know, to be a big person.
Chad Hall: You know not to, so that I can hear their anxiety, not avoid it.
Brian Miller, PCC: Not be controlled by it. To to be a mature person, and I think that's a word that we don't use a lot in in the world today that you know maturity and growth. I think those are all the same
Brian Miller, PCC: elements that we're talking about. And that's
Brian Miller, PCC: that's the element that we're looking for here.
Chad Hall: I think so. And just to piggyback on that before we get into the questions for today, the the coaching client I already had today. I've already coached one person today.
Chad Hall: And she came in with problems. She came in with challenges. She came in with a laundry list of things that she's facing right now. But by the time we really coached for about half an hour, and and probably the last 30 min or so of the coaching session really was just about her growth. And some of the things that you're talking about.
Chad Hall: hey? Am I capable of reducing my anxiety? Am I able to exercise enough courage and grow that virtue of courage to enter into what is ahead of me.
Chad Hall: And for her, specifically, can I exercise the discipline to go to Scripture and see what God has for me. There she grew her capacity in so many ways. Does she walk away with some some solutions and some steps. Yeah, but she also walked away. A stronger person she was, you know. I like your phrase there, a bigger person, more capable.
Chad Hall: and I love that both end. And so what we're going to look at today are some questions that help a client grow and
Chad Hall: grow into that fuller, higher, potential, higher capacity, kind of person, and that's gonna look a little different for everybody. But I think the questions are going to really resonate with the folks who are here today again, whether you're new to coaching or whether you've been doing a long time, and if you've been doing a long time, one thing you do know is that there are no magic questions. So even though we're going to talk about questions
Chad Hall: we're going to give some specific examples of questions.
Chad Hall: there are no magic questions. And you know, sometimes we think if I had a list of all the good questions I would be a great coach. You probably wouldn't be because the questions aren't where the magic is. It's in the conversation. It's in what else you bring into the relationship.
Brian Miller, PCC: No, it's a good point. We talk about the context. So every question occurs within the context of a conversation. It comes from the listening. And so a great question is only going to be great if it's comes out of the conversation. It's not like you. Just drop this bomb question in from 40,000 feet and
Brian Miller, PCC: and created the best. No, it already has to be a conversation occurring, and and it and you're listening. And the question that you ask comes from something you're hearing, or maybe something you're not hearing. It can be quite intuitive, but it definitely resides within that coaching relationship.
Chad Hall: Yeah. And to think every conversation is occurring within a relationship, and that coaching relationship is occurring within the context of a person's life.
Chad Hall: And so we're taking all of that into account with the specific questions that we are inviting into that coaching conversation. And that's why there are no magic questions, because every conversation is different. Every coaching relationship is a bit different. Certainly every person's life is different.
Chad Hall: And we're listening on all those levels. We're taking that in on all those levels. And the listening is what informs our our questions. So we will give you some examples of good questions. But just know they're gonna they need to be located within these contexts of the conversation, the the person, the relationship, and then the person's life.
Brian Miller, PCC: So as we go through these questions, we have 7. It just so happens, since this is 7 questions.
Chad Hall: The magic number.
Brian Miller, PCC: It is a Biblical number. I don't know. That's why you picked it or not, but it's it's a good number. As we go through these questions. We want you to answer them for yourself.
Brian Miller, PCC: You should immerse yourself in the question as well to think what is true about me, and so
Brian Miller, PCC: I think we will see growth
Brian Miller, PCC: and all the attendees that are here today. And, in fact, in Chad and I's own life.
Brian Miller, PCC: we should see some growth out of these 7 powerful questions that bring growth.
Chad Hall: Yeah, 1st question is a question of confidence. What's your source of confidence?
Chad Hall: Let me just do a quick kind of pulse check if you would in the Webinar chat. Let me know when's the last time you coached someone, and the topic of confidence came up.
Chad Hall: It comes up every single week for me. I've been coaching since the early 2 thousands. I don't think a week has gone by that the topic of confidence hasn't come up in some coaching session. It's not always the topic or the focus, but at least once a week it chimes in into a coaching conversation, sometimes lots of coaching conversations. So I'm seeing last week yesterday today.
Chad Hall: Dawn's already coaching today. I love it a couple of weeks ago, Tammy says for herself, it's all the time, and
Chad Hall: my experience as a coach is when a client starts to pay attention, not just to their confidence, but also to their source of confidence. It begins to really unlock things for them. It's a key to unlocking.
Chad Hall: you know, whatever they bring to the table, it it grows that capability, that capacity. It just allows them to bring more of what they have and what God's given them.
Chad Hall: And the reason, I think, that paying attention to the source of confidence is so important is because when clients pay attention to the wrong sources, it can really be a confidence. Diminisher, I guess, would be the word, because when people think. Gosh! My confidence really is based on how successful I am.
Chad Hall: or what other people say about me, or you know what my parents told me as I was a kid growing up, or you know, whatever
Chad Hall: you know, those those voices or voices that we listen to. They're not the best sources of confidence. And again, they can kind of hold us back. And so asking, What's your source of competence? And that naturally leads into what's your level of competence? And and how do you tap into the source? A bit more so, Brent, for you, when you look at a question like that, what really resonates with you.
Brian Miller, PCC: Well, I love the question of source, you know. It's not just what's your level of confidence. But where does your confidence come from? It's a reflective question, and I like the policy of never asking a question that they know the answer to at least right off the top.
Brian Miller, PCC: So if I'm in a coaching conversation, and my client just immediately answers my questions. It makes me think they're not powerful enough or deep enough or reflective enough.
Brian Miller, PCC: and so as soon as I hear this, what's your source of confidence? My brain just kind of explodes. And I think, okay, okay, wait a second. There are lots of things that go into my source, my experience, both success and failures.
Brian Miller, PCC: What what people have, my
Brian Miller, PCC: dear friends? It might be my spouse has said
Brian Miller, PCC: about me or or to me, my relationship with God, and and why I'm here, and why, what my purpose is, and why I've been created
Brian Miller, PCC: just. There's so many things that allow me to reflect and grow, and and and then give me some levers
Brian Miller, PCC: to increase or decrease my confidence, whereas if we just started with, what's your level of confidence on this, Chad? And you said, I'm kind of a 3 like, oh, what would it take to get to a 4 or 5. I don't know.
Brian Miller, PCC: but this kind of question creates some area to do the work.
Chad Hall: Yeah. And one thing before you move on from this one. What I'm not necessarily suggesting with this is that everybody's confidence ought to be sky high.
Chad Hall: You know we've all been around the person with unearned confidence.
Chad Hall: No bueno is, I think, the technical term for those experiences, and so it's not that we should just have absolute full confidence in everything. If if I'm standing on the starting block for an Olympic swim event, I should not be confident.
Chad Hall: I do not have what it takes to swim at all, let alone
Chad Hall: in an Olympic event, I mean, unless the Olympic event is sinking, I might be good at that one. And so, when you really think about it, what is confidence? Confidence is based on? Do I have what it takes?
Chad Hall: And again that can come from. As you mentioned my experience, my skills, my knowledge, my training. It can also come from my belief in myself. It can come from what God puts in me my giftedness. And so it's a real kind of patchwork of sources of competence.
Chad Hall: Ultimately, I believe our ultimate source of confidence is from God. But again, that doesn't necessarily mean oh, I should, you know, be fully confident on the Nba Basketball court. I should not be. That would not be a good idea. So. And I mentioned that just because a lot of times when we're new to coaching, we think this is really, if you believe it, you can achieve it.
Chad Hall: No, you can't. That's not true. Yeah.
Chad Hall: However, you can't achieve it if you don't believe it. Now that.
Brian Miller, PCC: Is a I think I've heard you say this is a dimmer switch for people's competence. You have a great competence, but you don't have confidence.
Brian Miller, PCC: And what's interesting about this question is it just creates a great conversation as coaches. We should just really thrive on great conversations. This, you know, as you added
Brian Miller, PCC: what it doesn't mean. It reminded me of Jim Collins. Good to great, built to last some older books at this point, said a great leader has great determination and deep humility.
Brian Miller, PCC: You have to be pretty confident to have a deep humility.
Chad Hall: That's right.
Brian Miller, PCC: You know what I mean? And so and and that's the that's the
Brian Miller, PCC: no matter what level we're at here. With this source of confidence. We can take this deeper and help you to be a bigger person. I think of Ephesians. I think it's 4. I know it's 4 where he's Paul's saying, you know, we're going to keep growing until we're all moving easily and rhythmically with one another, strong in the faith.
Brian Miller, PCC: And I'm like.
Brian Miller, PCC: so there's just so much room for this question. And would be a great conversation for any any client to work through.
Brian Miller, PCC: Let's keep rolling forward here. We've got 7, and I'm I'm doing the math, and
Brian Miller, PCC: we got to keep moving at some level here. This is a great question, Chad. What are you tolerating.
Chad Hall: Yeah. And the tolerating question and questions like this, I think they stir agency and.
Brian Miller, PCC: About agency for a minute. What! What is agency.
Chad Hall: Yeah, agency is, I can affect change.
Chad Hall: I can make things happen.
Chad Hall: Things don't just happen to me. I can make things happen now. None of us has ultimate full agency. We can't make the world what we want it to, but we do have some level of agency. We contribute to problems, we contribute to solutions. You know, we, we bear fruit, we make decisions. And so
Chad Hall: one of the questions that I ask, especially in workshops is, you know, are you? Are you letting life just happen to you? Or are you happening to life?
Chad Hall: And that's really agency agency is I'm bringing something in where I can make new realities. And so when we are tolerating things, oftentimes we're enduring something that we think we have no agency over.
Chad Hall: Well, there's nothing I can do about this. I just have to. I just have to live with it, maybe complain about it that you know. That's that's not really do anything about it. That's just
Chad Hall: that's probably life happening to you when you're complaining about it. And so when we're coaching, what we're looking to do is expand someone's opportunity to exercise agency. We want you to be able to take action, to make things different, to improve things, to to move toward the reality that God has called you to create.
Chad Hall: And if you just go through tolerating things and accepting things, you shouldn't accept.
Chad Hall: man that's really going to diminish your agency. It's going to diminish your ability to to join God where God's at work.
Brian Miller, PCC: So we're talking about 7 questions.
Brian Miller, PCC: and I like questions. But what I like even more often is observations.
Chad Hall: So as I'm listening to them, I can hear that they're tolerating something.
Brian Miller, PCC: That they are putting up with something, and they might not have to. Or there's different ways to think about those tolerations. How big a toleration how big the problem is, how much agency they really do have to examine and to think about that. I still remember this. It was, I don't know, 1010 years ago that I had a coach. Say to me something along the lines of Brian.
Brian Miller, PCC: There are 3 kinds of people. There's people who watch things happen. There's people who make things happen. There's people who say what just happened. Brian, you make things happen.
Chad Hall: Hmm.
Brian Miller, PCC: And and honestly, you could think
Brian Miller, PCC: that's how. How would that be useful in a coaching conversation?
Brian Miller, PCC: Because in the context of the conversation my brain exploded.
Brian Miller, PCC: and all of a sudden I could think of 20 things I could do in the situation I was in
Brian Miller, PCC: because my coach had observed, I'm a person who makes things happen.
Brian Miller, PCC: I have agency.
Brian Miller, PCC: It was so helpful to me to hear that I still remember that. Still I love that resonance.
Chad Hall: In in one of our courses we talk about tolerations, and we define a toleration as something that drains you of energy or time. And and there's a sense of it drains you unnecessarily.
Chad Hall: And these could be big things or small things. They could be things you have a lot of control over, or things that are pretty far outside your control. Something you always have some agency over is your attitude how you're allowing things to affect you. And so when we coach people we're looking for, what's the leverage a person has? Where? What's the opening? Where they could get in and do something about the situation that they're in.
Chad Hall: And so again, we've got a whole. We have a course where one of the whole sessions we talk about tolerations. We're not going to do that right now, but it's a good question to ask.
Brian Miller, PCC: Oh, for growth, and we're all tolerating something. I'm curious if we go to the chat.
Brian Miller, PCC: If a few of you might
Brian Miller, PCC: type in, what are you tolerating.
Chad Hall: Yeah, again, something that's draining you of energy or time, and probably unnecessarily.
Brian Miller, PCC: I'll tell you something I was tolerating. I'm an interim pastor, and I have only a few weeks left, and I'm thinking I need to take a Sunday off. I need a Sunday off. And a few people said.
Brian Miller, PCC: Wait till after Easter.
Brian Miller, PCC: And I thought, Oh, oh, I should. Okay. I'll wait till after Easter, and then I thought.
Brian Miller, PCC: I know what I need.
Brian Miller, PCC: You know I will be. I know what I need. Why am I tolerating their
Brian Miller, PCC: complaint, or their anxiety, or or whatever it is, Brian, just do what you need to do.
Brian Miller, PCC: and take care of yourself. That has to do with being a bigger person as well.
Chad Hall: I love that I love Marty's comment here about friendships that may not be really contributing, and I love one of the the words here
Chad Hall: I've been too complacent, and I think sometimes we confuse being content. You know I'm going to be content in all things with being complacent complaisance. It's the negative, you know. Step sibling, I guess, of being content
Chad Hall: and toleration. That's really there's oftentimes a complacency of well, I'm going to settle. I'm going to be okay with it, and there's nothing I can do about it. And I love that spirit of. I'm not going to be complacent. I'm not going to settle. There's something more, and I'm going to exercise agency to move toward it.
Brian Miller, PCC: I'm complacent, or I'm doing everything I think I can do. But I'm not. I just feel busy. I feel like I've tried.
Chad Hall: But I'm not. I need another option. One of the things I
Chad Hall: was tolerating for several decades. This may sound like a very mundane example. But I was talking to you earlier, Brian, about our master bathroom being remodeled, and I've tolerated this this thing being hideous ever since we moved into our house almost 13 years ago.
Chad Hall: and Vicki, who's on this webinar with us. She and I put together a workshop at the beginning of the year to help people think about. What do you? What do you want the year to look like?
Chad Hall: And I thought, you know, as mundane as it seems, one thing that I've been tolerating, and I don't want to tolerate. But when the year's over I want this to be different.
Chad Hall: Is this hideous bathroom. I'm going to do something about it, and that's the power of coaching again. It could be something as mundane as that something as significant as friendships or relationships could be, something we've been tolerating about ourselves, you know. Are we tolerating, being unhealthy? Are we tolerating some of our poor choices, you know, smoking or eating, or lack of exercise. What are you tolerating? What are you putting up with
Chad Hall: that? God's best life for you does not include putting up with that
Chad Hall: so that's the power. I think, of of asking questions like this one.
Brian Miller, PCC: If you're a leader or you're a parent, or you have any authority whatsoever.
Brian Miller, PCC: You are. If you were, if you are driving on a road you are tolerating
Brian Miller, PCC: at some level. And just the question of how could you have more agency.
Chad Hall: Yeah.
Brian Miller, PCC: Is, is a great, great question. I love that.
Brian Miller, PCC: Let's take a look at number 3. Where's benefit of greater boundaries?
Chad Hall: We couldn't fit the word the in, so we just left it out. Where's the benefit of greater boundaries? Kind of like with confidence the topic of boundaries comes up a lot in our coaching relationships. And, Brian, where do you see this with your coaching clients?
Brian Miller, PCC: I'm I'm putting the word the in there.
Chad Hall: I appreciate that. Oh, wow! That is.
Brian Miller, PCC: It's not too bad.
Chad Hall: That is webinar mastery. When you can do that.
Brian Miller, PCC: Where do I see this with my clients where their boundaries are? So I have. I have a client who has has put up with a living situation
Brian Miller, PCC: for years and and just getting at.
Brian Miller, PCC: You know, it's it's easy. The surface level of it is is what is being tolerated back to the tolerations. But the bigger piece of that is putting in boundaries. To say this, this is the situation.
Brian Miller, PCC: This is where I'm drawing the line, and this is how I'm going to communicate. I'm drawing the line. This is how I'm going to enforce drawing the line.
Brian Miller, PCC: These are going to be the benefits of drawing the line and get a good sense of that. It just creates a good conversation about, because when you don't have boundaries
Brian Miller, PCC: it's almost got a violent feel to it right. There are people encroaching upon my property, or my
Brian Miller, PCC: responsibilities, or happiness, or whatever it is, so it has a little bit of a fight feel to it, and so it needs to be handled well and deeply and
Brian Miller, PCC: put together a plan of confidence. Some adjustments will need to be made.
Chad Hall: Yeah. Yeah. And you know, Cloud and Townsend, you know their book, and I'm sure a lot of folks on the Webinar have are familiar with that book. They do such a great job of describing boundaries, and you know the limitations and restrictions that protect what is ours from, you know, hey, that person and myself we are not the same.
Chad Hall: So you know, there's a property line, a line of property. They also talk about gates, and you know you're deciding. What do you let in? And what do you keep out?
Chad Hall: And we could be too restrictive with our boundaries, you know we got all fence and no gate. We could also be too porous, you know. It's just a wide open gate. There's really no fence. People just get to come and intrude as they want, and I see this all the time in again. Workplace home life. I've got clients who are frequently dealing with. Am I not supposed to have an open door policy.
Chad Hall: and I mean it's almost literally a boundary with a you know, a fence with a gate. They keep their door open all the time because they think
Chad Hall: that's what it means to be a good leader. I have to always be accessible and available to people, and not necessarily, or in parenting.
Chad Hall: You know, if you're you're coaching clients who are parents of maybe you know teenagers and letting teenagers deal with the consequences of their choices. That's a boundary issue. So the coaching relationship is ripe for exploring boundaries with your clients, and where they could benefit from better boundaries.
Brian Miller, PCC: I, you know, as I thought we talked about coaching pastors, for instance, as one niche.
Brian Miller, PCC: I know that over and over again when we think of what is the problem for pastors.
Brian Miller, PCC: One problem almost every pastor has is they don't have boundaries, they don't. They have not put them in place, and if they would put boundaries in place and force them.
Brian Miller, PCC: they'd be they'd be happier. They'd be more productive. They'd feel like they could follow the calling of God better. There are just so many benefits
Brian Miller, PCC: to putting in boundaries, but even just understanding. You know how how boundaries work, and that
Brian Miller, PCC: you know. Well, this might upset some people.
Brian Miller, PCC: Well, yes.
Chad Hall: Yeah.
Brian Miller, PCC: Well, yes, and so we need to talk about, is it.
Chad Hall: That might be worth it.
Brian Miller, PCC: To be upset.
Brian Miller, PCC: And what happens is, people are upset. And there's even a
Brian Miller, PCC: I think we can even think about. Okay, they're going to be upset immediately.
Brian Miller, PCC: How are they going to be in a week, you know, or a month, as they get used to the boundary.
Brian Miller, PCC: those type of things to sort of think, I think something to think about with boundaries is the future.
Brian Miller, PCC: to really get a sense of where we want to go and what it could look like.
Brian Miller, PCC: and maybe even think about. What are the needs of people
Brian Miller, PCC: coming in on our boundaries? What do they need? And how can I help them get it, or or coach them to get it from someplace, else other than
Brian Miller, PCC: encroaching on my property. On my life.
Chad Hall: Before we leave this question I'll just mention one more thing. Notice the openness of the question. The question is not, hey, Buddy? You need better boundaries, and let me tell you what that looks like in your life. Let me be prescriptive.
Chad Hall: you know. Again, we're coaches, but one thing coaches sometimes struggle with is even bringing up a topic like boundaries.
Chad Hall: so you might hear from your client. Gosh! It sounds like they could benefit from better boundaries.
Chad Hall: Can I bring that up?
Chad Hall: You can bring it up, and you can bring it up by just asking them, where could you benefit from better boundaries, or what would better boundaries look like here? Or you know, how is this? A boundary situation? And they may say, Well, what's a boundary? And of course you can give us a description of that. This is not where you say. I don't know. What do you think a boundary is.
Chad Hall: but you can just tell them
Chad Hall: what a boundary is. Again. You're getting this from people like Cloud and Townsend, and then say so. How do you think that applies for you, and you can unlock their creativity and their resourcefulness to, to struggle with this and and how to operationalize the concept of boundaries, you know, in their own life and work.
Brian Miller, PCC: This is a good place where some contrast can come in like I think about. If you start to explore boundaries, you find there's 2 elements. There's standards, and there's boundaries. So here are my standards. Here's what needs to be true. And here's how I'm going to enforce
Brian Miller, PCC: that. What I want to be true is true. How people are going to treat me!
Brian Miller, PCC: How I'm going to treat other people
Brian Miller, PCC: as soon as you can bring up a little bit of contrast, and it's not telling them what the standards are. It's just helping them understand how to understand boundaries and standards and navigate that once you introduce those kind of elements. It's I guess it's a little like telling or teaching it. It's very short.
Brian Miller, PCC: But the response that you're looking for from your client. I think there's 2 responses. The one you do not want is, oh, okay, I get it. Now, that's not what you want.
Brian Miller, PCC: The response you want is, oh.
Brian Miller, PCC: okay, wait a second. I'm starting to understand this. Let me talk this through, or whatever it would be that they you can see them opening up. So it doesn't have to be a question always that causes that openness. It can be some direct statements.
Chad Hall: Yeah, we're trying to evoke awareness.
Chad Hall: Brian, what's the 4th question.
Brian Miller, PCC: Sure I'll get rid of the the the here.
Chad Hall: It would be fun to see. Where does that show up? What is
Chad Hall: there we go. I like that.
Brian Miller, PCC: I know.
Chad Hall: So.
Brian Miller, PCC: Your love language. This is an interesting question, Chad.
Chad Hall: Yeah, yeah, it's like Boundaries. Boundary Day. There's a book. Well, there are lots of books on boundaries. There's a book called, You know, 5 love languages. I have found this a helpful question for clients to become self-aware about their own needs.
Chad Hall: how they go about trying to get their needs met, and even how they try to meet the needs of others. Now you could ask a lot of different kinds of questions to get at those same sorts of things. Love languages is one personality would be another could ask questions about different preferences that people have. But I like love languages because it applies in a lot of different
Chad Hall: types of relationships. And if you're not familiar the book, you know the 5 love languages. There's another one on the the 5 love languages at work, you know. What's it look like in a workplace? And I have just found that a lot of times folks are trying to get their needs met or meet the needs of other people in ways that there's a mismatch.
Chad Hall: and it's it's almost like they're speaking 2 different languages. And again, you got to remember? This is a question that's not magic. It's not going to fit every coaching, conversation, or even every coaching relationship. But in some people's lives in some coaching relationships and some conversations. A question like this can really unlock some self-awareness.
Brian Miller, PCC: I love the question even just about what do you need?
Brian Miller, PCC: I'm not sure. I think that would be a great question. I'm just listening. And I hear them. And they're complaining, or they're
Brian Miller, PCC: they. They're just they can't get focused.
Brian Miller, PCC: What is it that you need?
Brian Miller, PCC: And and many times we aren't aware of what we need. There is truth about needs that. If you don't get them met they will get themselves met
Brian Miller, PCC: in a sometimes very unhealthy way, and so, if your life's a little out of control you, you might not be getting your needs met, and you need to understand what your needs are, Chad. Last week I needed
Brian Miller, PCC: a break, and
Brian Miller, PCC: and I'm drinking out of my new Mount Vernon Cup because I went to Washington, DC. And had some history visit. You know I need enriched by history and adventure and good food.
Brian Miller, PCC: and so sometimes I'll see somebody say, Well, I you know I could. I just can't spend that, or you know that money, or whatever it would be.
Brian Miller, PCC: Well, what do you need 1st of all? And and that question really makes me think
Brian Miller, PCC: deeply reflective. If I'm going to find some growth meeting, my own needs
Brian Miller, PCC: is something most people are not doing, particularly in ministry.
Chad Hall: Yeah. And the self-awareness part when we talk about these are questions that really facilitate client growth.
Chad Hall: The growth is not just, I'm aware. And I'm going to meet this need today or this week, or right now, it's to be aware of. Oh, this is how I operate in the world. This is what's important to me. When I'm working with certain clients, we go through something called a values card sort, where we help them go through some personal core values and figure out which ones are really important to them.
Chad Hall: And that's a growth kind of exercise in the same way that identifying one's love languages, because you get to carry that with you, not just in this situation, but in all the other situations you face, and you realize, oh, this is something that is important to me. This is the language of love that I speak and that I want to receive, or these are the values that I operate out of.
Chad Hall: And you just aren't going through life quite as blindly as you are, you know, with this self-awareness.
Brian Miller, PCC: Just understanding people and having people understand you and what you need. What's your love language, Chad?
Chad Hall: It depends on the relationship. But a lot of times. It's words of affirmation. I love gifts. Oh, and another thing I love about this question and the topic of love languages is, it's a bit of a multiple choice question.
Chad Hall: So people say, What's your love language? Or you could ask, hey! What's the love language of the person you manage at work, or the person that you live with at home? And they say love language. Gosh! I'm not sure. What? What is that? Well, there are 5 love languages.
Chad Hall: And now again, we're not asking the the client to suddenly create this thing called love languages. There are these 5, you know. We can walk through them. Which ones really resonate for you. What's which ones are operating right now in this situation? And it's a little bit of a multiple choice versus such an open, ended question. But those kind of multiple choice questions can evoke a lot of awareness for us.
Brian Miller, PCC: Oh, tremendous! And so, even taking a question like this and thinking it comes from the listening.
Brian Miller, PCC: And so you may be thinking they're they're
Brian Miller, PCC: they're they're missing the spectrum of the way people relate.
Brian Miller, PCC: and so trying to dig into a question that leads them particularly to help them in their current situation. So you know, besides love languages you made me think about like the disc personality test that some people are dominant. Some are influencers, some are steady. Some are conscientious. So this person you're having trouble with.
Brian Miller, PCC: Where do you? What personality do you think they have.
Chad Hall: Yeah, what are their needs? What are their.
Brian Miller, PCC: When what do they need? Because of that personality?
Chad Hall: Yeah, how are they seeing the world.
Brian Miller, PCC: Oh, it's helped me in marriage, or any kind of question like this, and be able to communicate what I need. I love that question. The next question is similar.
Brian Miller, PCC: but it's this question. I asked this question, probably more than any other question.
Brian Miller, PCC: what do you really want? What do you want.
Chad Hall: Yeah, because people come in and they describe the situation that they're in. They describe what's what's happening. And
Chad Hall: you know, that's a good place to start. They just start describing life right now, or you know, this relationship with their child, or their spouse, or something happening at work or business is down or business is up, you know, whatever's going on so but what do you really want in this situation is really a question about desires.
Chad Hall: and I found that a lot of times clients can't truly admit what they desire in a situation.
Chad Hall: because maybe what they desire. Maybe it's a little hidden to them. Or maybe it's a little bit uncomfortable, or even it feels vulnerable to admit what we desire, or we may look at our desires and think well, I shouldn't desire that I shouldn't really want that. So let me pretty it up and polish it up and pretend that I desire something else. But if you can get down to the true desires of someone.
Chad Hall: hey, you're either going to find something that is worth desiring, and they're going to have even more motivation for going after it, or you're going to find that that's a desire that seems inferior. Somehow it needs an upgrade, you know, if that's the thing you really want
Chad Hall: again. We're Christian coaches. We're not just affirming people's desires because you but if that's the thing you really want.
Chad Hall: what's something that's even better than that, and we could coach them and help shift those desires to be more in alignment with what God wants for them? And gosh! Wouldn't that be a great upgrade? And wouldn't that be growth to grow in what you desire? Not just to desire more, but to desire better.
Brian Miller, PCC: Well, in so many situations. I'm thinking about a marriage or parenting, or a job. You know, somebody somebody's at a job, and they're complaining about the situation. And you ask, What do you? What do you want?
Brian Miller, PCC: Well, I'd I'd like to have a bigger seat at the table.
Brian Miller, PCC: Okay, how do you get it?
Chad Hall: Yeah.
Brian Miller, PCC: Well, I guess I could ask, you know, okay, what else could you do? Right?
Brian Miller, PCC: And you get at what you really want, Chad? I've been working with Paul Burns of soul metrics, spiritual intelligence, and just in my relationship with God. Something he encouraged me to do
Brian Miller, PCC: is just tell God what you want.
Brian Miller, PCC: and as simple as that sounded. I found it at 1st to be very difficult, just to be like
Brian Miller, PCC: God. You know what I want, you know.
Brian Miller, PCC: but but I found it so satisfying when I can, just by myself, usually out loud, open myself up and say.
Brian Miller, PCC: and just just say it.
Brian Miller, PCC: Here's what I want.
Brian Miller, PCC: It helps me understand. It helps me, you know, and there is a somehow there is a disconnect of, you know, even to say it to anybody to say it to myself, to say it to God.
Brian Miller, PCC: What it is that I really desire.
Brian Miller, PCC: And, like you said, I think there's just a a negative you know of. Well, I don't want to be
Brian Miller, PCC: a certain kind of person, or I need to control my desires.
Brian Miller, PCC: There are good desires.
Brian Miller, PCC: and I find most people have good desires. Once you, you know, if somebody says what you know, what, what's my desire? I I want. I want a different spouse.
Brian Miller, PCC: What is it that you want? You don't just want a different spouse you want? What is it you want and be able to articulate that and then create that into conversation.
Brian Miller, PCC: or whatever it is. I want a different job. What is it you want about your job to be different? I this out of all the 7, and I haven't even seen 6 and 7. Well, I have. But
Brian Miller, PCC: this is my favorite question, and I think this can get you more traction with your clients than than anything else we're sharing today.
Chad Hall: It's a real investigation, and be patient with your client that they may not know at first, st
Chad Hall: or may take a few passes to get what they really want. And and again, we're we're specific here in putting that extra adjective in not just what do you want? But what do you really want.
Chad Hall: We're trying to dig beneath the the surface of
Chad Hall: again the the thing we can admit we want the thing beneath. That is the thing you really want, and that's worth exploring.
Brian Miller, PCC: I was going back all the way back to the top of the chat. Or what do you want out of this? And I think it was Vicky that said
Brian Miller, PCC: She has a client that doesn't seem to want anything.
Brian Miller, PCC: So. And I've had those clients, you know. What do you want to work on? There's really not.
Chad Hall: Fine, everything's good.
Brian Miller, PCC: I don't know, and I just think you're the one person in the world you should write a blog.
Brian Miller, PCC: You know. That's incredible. Yeah, but they want something
Brian Miller, PCC: and and giving them the safety
Brian Miller, PCC: that's really a safety issue, probably of
Brian Miller, PCC: just just say it. I don't care. I'm not going to judge you.
Brian Miller, PCC: You know I'm not. I just say what it is you want.
Chad Hall: Yeah. I had a client who was recently. He's passed over to be the new CEO of the company that he's been with for
Chad Hall: probably been with them for 2530 years.
Chad Hall: and he said I didn't get. I didn't get that, and you know it hurt.
Chad Hall: And it was a question like this, what? What did you really want from that? And he said, I I think I did really want to be the CEO.
Chad Hall: And you know, kind of to what you were saying, Brian, I said.
Chad Hall: I bet you did. But you wanted that because of what it got you. What was that? Gonna get you.
Chad Hall: And he said, I really just want to be in the room when the big decisions are being made.
Brian Miller, PCC: Hmm.
Chad Hall: And you know that's a that's a slightly different thing than than.
Brian Miller, PCC: It is.
Brian Miller, PCC: You want to be the room where it happens. It's Hamilton.
Brian Miller, PCC: We should do, Hamilton paying. But go ahead.
Chad Hall: I don't. I don't know who that is, but the but differentiating, you know.
Chad Hall: I I really desire this promotion, this position, you know this title
Chad Hall: from? No. What I really want is to be in this kind of context, to have this kind of influence. And I I was up with their company a couple of weeks ago, and we were in the room. And we're making some big decisions.
Chad Hall: And afterward, you know, in the hallway. I just kind of took them aside. And I said, You know what?
Chad Hall: You're in the room, you know, making some big decisions.
Chad Hall: And he said, Yeah, yeah, I am. And he's he's living into that without the title, without the promotion, and he's living into it, based on how he's showing up. And he's grown into a person who's capable
Chad Hall: of
Chad Hall: of reaching that desire. It's a good desire that he had, you know, and but but not confusing it, or conflating it with a title.
Brian Miller, PCC: Well, he's happier. He did get what he wanted. He just didn't know. He couldn't articulate particularly.
Chad Hall: Yeah, I, want.
Brian Miller, PCC: All right. What are your assumptions? Number 6?
Chad Hall: Oh, man! Assumptions.
Chad Hall: you know. Probably when we were 4 years old we learned, you know, what it means to assume, but we do this with clients all the time they, the assumptions, are operating upon them. They are beneath the surface. And these beliefs about how life works or how life should work.
Chad Hall: and you know sometimes they're they serve the client. Sometimes those assumptions hold the client back, or are a disservice to the client.
Chad Hall: and what we want to do is coaches. We want to ask questions that bring these assumptions up to the surface, and so we can see them. Let's put them in the light of day again. They're going to be things that we want to validate, and and you know, and and really affirm those assumptions. There are going to be some assumptions that are off and need to be adjusted, but how much better to bring them to the surface to bring them to the light of day, instead of those assumptions just operating in the background.
Brian Miller, PCC: Yeah. The one that's coming to mind immediately is, what are your limits? You know. What are you assuming? Are the limits, maybe, of how far you can go in the company, or what they will allow you to do. I was looking at. I'm just preaching through the gospel of Matthew, and and Jesus is continually using, you know, 1415, 16, where he's he's fed 5,000. He's fed 4,000,
Brian Miller, PCC: you know, and and I realize as I'm it's it's a i'm taking a jump here. But there are so many people who want to limit God's grace.
Brian Miller, PCC: You know God is incredibly gracious to a point. And I'm like, that's an assumption.
Brian Miller, PCC: You know. There's an assumption that it's not.
Brian Miller, PCC: It just can't be wide open.
Brian Miller, PCC: you know, and so it at least causes me to think more deeply about God's grace. And and why is it.
Brian Miller, PCC: then, I assume limitations, you know, even from God.
Chad Hall: Yeah. And we could have things like the assumption. Well, the client who assumed he needed to be the CEO
Chad Hall: if he was going to be in the room when the big decisions were being made. You know, that's an assumption. Assumptions can be false. They could also be true.
Chad Hall: And sometimes it's the true assumptions.
Chad Hall: but they're not shared from somebody else. And that's maybe where the rub is. You know, I have an assumption about how life works. And maybe maybe that's exactly how life works. But somebody else is coming in with a different set of assumptions about how life works. And again, that's where the rub is. I just think there's all kinds of opportunities in coaching to surface and explore. And
Chad Hall: you know again, instead of the assumptions working on us, we could actually look at the assumptions and make tweaks and adjustments and recalibrations to those assumptions.
Brian Miller, PCC: Depending on the conversation, I might ask, What are you believing wrong about this.
Chad Hall: Yeah.
Brian Miller, PCC: And I don't know what it is you want to be careful of like. Oh, I know what you believe in wrong, and I have to make it a question.
Brian Miller, PCC: So let me see if you know what you're believing wrong.
Brian Miller, PCC: but just challenging the assumptions of belief. What's led you to believe? That's true.
Chad Hall: How true is that.
Brian Miller, PCC: How? How would you know that.
Chad Hall: Through. I mean, that's
Brian Miller, PCC: Oh, the growth that occurs when you start, you know, and I can think of many things in my life that I thought were true
Brian Miller, PCC: that are not true.
Brian Miller, PCC: And they really
Brian Miller, PCC: embellished, you know, in my life and and bad ways. Let's get to the last question. We're running out of time.
Brian Miller, PCC: What will remain after you're gone. Oh, Chad, you're leaving on a dead moment here.
Chad Hall: Oh, it's a up moment, I mean, you know you'll live forever, or at least for a few days. You know the question of legacy purpose, meaning, you know, the the the question of what's what are the footprints that remain after you're gone?
Chad Hall: I think, orients a person to something bigger than themselves, something more meaningful than the the again, the mundane moments that we're in right now and just makes us understand. Wow! We really are living life on a much larger stage than we 1st maybe imagined. And and it provides an opportunity to think through how in alignment am I with what's going to remain after I'm gone?
Chad Hall: And or what's the impression that I'm wanting to leave after I'm gone, and how well am I doing that? And for most people. There's a gap.
Chad Hall: There's a gap between how I'm living and the legacy that I want to leave behind, and coaching is about closing that gap.
Brian Miller, PCC: It. It can definitely occur in anybody's life that it begins to feel meaningless.
Brian Miller, PCC: like, like, I'm not sure that I'm having any impact.
Brian Miller, PCC: And and there, you know, there can be some truth that you know the world is going to go on without you.
Brian Miller, PCC: You know.
Chad Hall: Yeah, yeah, there's no doubt about that.
Brian Miller, PCC: But what? What could be true? That was meaningful that you were here.
Brian Miller, PCC: and those are the things, you know, that you're going to look back on another question to ask is, what do you want people to say at your funeral?
Chad Hall: Yeah.
Brian Miller, PCC: You know I didn't know Brian. Well, he was never, you know, very open or around. And yeah.
Chad Hall: Them to say, Look, he's moving.
Brian Miller, PCC: I don't think that's.
Chad Hall: The spirit of the question.
Brian Miller, PCC: But yeah, but you know.
Chad Hall: This is the kind of question that as coaches, we got to be okay asking
Chad Hall: questions that a client doesn't immediately know the answer to.
Chad Hall: and maybe even a little uncomfortable. One of the exercises, Vicki, who's on the webinar with us. One of the exercises we do is something we call the S curve. It's this S. And it's, you know, on one end of the S. We have them write the date. They were born in the middle of the S. Today's date, and at the end of the S. Where it terminates the age you're going to be when you die.
Chad Hall: People get really weird about that, but they got weirder when we asked them to put a date. That was the date that you're going to pass.
Brian Miller, PCC: Oh!
Chad Hall: That was a little that was a little odd. So instead, it's the the age.
Brian Miller, PCC: Gotta do math, too.
Chad Hall: And so we and we say, Hey, you can look this up, you know. Go to an actuary site. They're gonna tell you. You know what the estimate? Obviously, we're not
Chad Hall: predicting here. We're just, you know.
Chad Hall: get comfortable with the fact that it's gonna end
Chad Hall: and we're not comfortable with that. But it's it's true, it's a reality. And you know, I feel like it's our goal as coaches to grow people to the point where they are really satisfied with the legacy that they leave behind once that day comes. So if you're wondering if you're new to coaching, or if you're maybe you've been at this for years.
Chad Hall: Does it matter what you do as a coach? You better believe it, because not only will you be leaving a legacy as a coach. But all the clients that you're working with
Chad Hall: their life is going to leave a legacy beyond. You know the days on this earth.
Chad Hall: And to me like, yeah, we can kind of help people solve today's problems. That's there's nothing wrong with that. But what a bigger thing! What a, what a better thing. What a more brilliant thing to coach people to live in such a way that they leave a legacy that they're proud of, you know. That really does matter, you know, once they're dead and gone.
Brian Miller, PCC: I remember as a kid, Billy Graham was always asking if you were to die tonight. Do you know where you're going to go? And I, which I don't think is a terrible question. But I think a more interesting question can be, if you're to live tomorrow, what are you going to do.
Chad Hall: Hmm.
Brian Miller, PCC: And and there was.
Brian Miller, PCC: There's just a lot of people that could do a lot of good out of asking that question. If you're going to be alive tomorrow. What are you going to do.
Chad Hall: Yeah, it's your life I love probably will live tomorrow.
Brian Miller, PCC: Because you probably will live tomorrow, and we have to take care of the other.
Chad Hall: I hope everyone on this webinar lives at least until April 29.th
Brian Miller, PCC: Why is that?
Chad Hall: Because that's when our next cohort starts. You like that transition.
Brian Miller, PCC: I loved it.
Chad Hall: We gotta wrap up, don't we?
Brian Miller, PCC: We're at the we're at the hour. Here we have a a certification, I know. We asked at the beginning. Some people have certifications, and that's fantastic. We can help you maintain those certifications. If they're Icf, we, we can certainly do that.
Brian Miller, PCC: If you feel like you're halfway there. We can help you finish your certification. We have programs for that. If you have an Acc we have a program that can help you get a Pcc and bridge into it. We have.
Brian Miller, PCC: we have all those programs. We are level one and level 2 with the Icf, which means we can deliver entire programs and help you get your credential. But we have one starting a cohort starting brand new April 29.th Starts with our cam 501 foundations for Christian coaching. It's in the evening, Chad.
Brian Miller, PCC: It's only one time a year.
Chad Hall: Yeah, it's, it's.
Brian Miller, PCC: I don't know.
Chad Hall: For me.
Brian Miller, PCC: True.
Brian Miller, PCC: that's true. I think there are some Europeans here so that that could be different. But but this is, and maybe that's even more helpful. I'm gonna have to the time zone that actually, maybe it's during the day, for once
Brian Miller, PCC: for you or it could be in the middle of the night. But.
Chad Hall: I think, for Europeans. But I think if you're in the Asia Pacific world, if you're in those time zones, this one oftentimes is very much more accommodating the ones that are happening in the middle of the day. Eastern time. But it is Tuesdays, 8 Pm. Eastern time, 5 Pm. Pacific time it's and that's we only do that once a year. And so this is your opportunity for that different time zone.
Chad Hall: And it's it's a great course. Cam 501. You're gonna ask better questions. You're gonna develop your listening. You're gonna really understand what the flow of a coaching conversation looks like, what's the real shape of it? And then what are all the skills that you use? And it's a if you or somebody else, you know, is ready to start their coaching training journey. This is the place to start.
Brian Miller, PCC: Well, it's a great place, and you can. You can start just by taking that class. You don't have to commit to a whole program.
Brian Miller, PCC: and if we can help you do that, just let us know.
Brian Miller, PCC: So 2 things here, as we clean up one.
Brian Miller, PCC: go into the chat and type in your favorite question.
Brian Miller, PCC: and number 2. If you have any questions about your next steps in coaching, I'll hang out for a little bit and and be happy to answer any and all of those questions
Brian Miller, PCC: as well. The 1st question was, What is your source of confidence, love? That question.
Chad Hall: Yeah, thanks for asking it, Patty. I saw that. By the way, those who didn't see that Patty asked. Hey, I was a bit late? What was the 1st question so.
Brian Miller, PCC: What do you really.
Chad Hall: I'm headed to a coaching appointment, so I'll let you wrap things up with everybody.
Brian Miller, PCC: Coach. Thanks, Chad. Appreciate your time.
Chad Hall: Everybody.
Brian Miller, PCC: Great session, source of confidence and new power.
Brian Miller, PCC: What are you experiencing? Where are you experiencing God's intervention? That's question number 8. That's a great question.
Brian Miller, PCC: That's a great question. It makes an assumption. There. What do you want in Brian's voice? Because there's the truth. There's a truth about the emphasis. I'm glad you even saw that, Tammy. What do you want?
Brian Miller, PCC: What do you? What do you want?
Brian Miller, PCC: Say it. Let's get it out there. I love that
Brian Miller, PCC: I love that. Thank you for noticing that fascis
Brian Miller, PCC: anything else I can help you with before I go.
Brian Miller, PCC: What are you tolerating? Great question!
Brian Miller, PCC: What do you really want. What are the love languages so helpful?
Brian Miller, PCC: Well, thank you, Patty, appreciate it.
Brian Miller, PCC: Thank you, Elijah. Appreciate it. We're happy to do it.
Brian Miller, PCC: Happy to do it all right. I'm gonna shut off the recording.