“Knock knock.”

“Who’s there?”

“Interrupting cow.”

“Interrupting cow…?”

“MOOOOO!!”

One of our first rules as coaches is never to interrupt. You shouldn’t… until you should. The time to interrupt is when you realize you are no longer partnering with the client. Partners work together. When the client is talking more than 80% of the time, veering off topic, or has ignored an area that obviously needs to be explored, you should definitely interrupt.

When you interrupt, do not do it as a bystander who is trying to get a passing car to slow down. The problem most coaches face when they interrupt is that the client does not like it. They are irritated. They were cruising along at a hypersonic speed, and now they have to come to a complete stop because you have something to say. The coach has a choice. They can act like a hijacker, or they can act like a good partner.

Let’s discuss three reasons to interrupt and how a coach might successfully interject.

The Client Is Talking More Than 80% of the Time

A general rule for coaching is that the conversation should be 80/20, the coach talking 20% of the time, and the client talking 80% of the time. Coaching should never be 50/50. When a client talks more, this is rarely a problem with the coaching. This is a client issue. This client is a talker. Frankly, you could let the client talk the entire time, and the client would end the call believing it was a terrific conversation. They are unaware.

This is an issue of agreement. Usually, we do not tell the client anything. We evoke awareness through questions and observations. In this case, however, we need to revisit our coaching agreement. I do not mean we need to pull out the original contract, but each conversation has an agreement, even if it is unspoken.

• The conversation is confidential.
• The conversation should take the client’s thinking somewhere new.
• The conversation should end with well-developed action steps that move the client forward.
• The conversation should build healthy accountability to ensure client action.

Sometimes we tell these things to the client, and sometimes we do not. Another agreement that needs to be made is that the coach and client will have a healthy exchange. The client will talk most of the time, and the coach will talk some of the time. Here is a promise: You will not be the first person to tell this client they talk too much. This will not be a surprise; if it is a surprise, you will have given your client an excellent gift.

When my client talks too much, I take time either at the end of the conversation or at the beginning of the next one. This is an agreement issue, so I would rarely do this in the middle of a coaching session. This should sound like an observation rather than an accusation. Our goal is to improve the health of the coaching conversation.

I would tell my client, “Coaching is a partnership. Your role is to think deeply. My role is to manage that process. In our recent interactions, I’ve noticed that you tend to talk without pause, and I’ve felt uncomfortable interrupting you. Going forward, we need to find a way that allows me to help you process your thinking so that you can get the most out of these conversations.”

I do not say these words with any animus or hesitation. My feelings are not hurt. This is not the best way for the client to receive the highest benefit from the coaching. They do not know this. It is your job to tell them. At first, it will feel uncomfortable, but most likely, the client will appreciate your observation. Also, you may have to have this conversation more than once. Habits are hard to break.

The Client Has Wandered Off-Topic

A coach should be able to draw a line from the beginning of the conversation to the very end. The conversation should be about one issue. We want to explore the issue, resolve the issue, and learn from the issue. When you observe your client moving too far away from this line, you should interrupt. The client may have veered into a new topic or gone on a wild goose chase. The conversation will suffer if you do not intervene.

This is also an issue of agreement. The client is not always clear about what they want to talk about, but we should never let the client just wander from topic to topic, never fully exploring, never thinking deeply about the issue or themselves. The client may have a wandering mind, not feel like this is a worthy topic, or be avoiding a difficult issue. No matter the reason, you need to interrupt when the client gets too far away from the agreed-upon topic.

This interruption needs to be in the moment. This cannot wait until the end. If you do not see a natural pause where you can refocus the conversation, you will need to interrupt, and I would not apologize. I rarely apologize during coaching. An apology communicates that someone has done something wrong. The client is more likely to think they did something wrong if you apologize. Making them feel bad is not my goal.

I would tell my client, “Let me interrupt you for a moment. I feel like we’re getting off track. The issue we have been discussing is ______. Do we need to get back on track, or is this a better topic for today?” My interruption is short and to the point. We need to return to the client as soon as possible.

I made two essential distinctions in my statement: One, I said, “We” are off track. We are partners. We are in this together. The client is not alone in going off track. Two, I left the agenda in the client’s hands. The topic may need to change or at least be tweaked. The interruption should not feel abrupt. I do not need to raise my voice or show displeasure. I am making an observation to keep my client moving in the right direction.

The Client Has Glossed Over a Pregnant Detail

Coaching conversations should be rich and deep. For whatever reason, clients often think they should cover more ground rather than set up camp. Clients have responded to my questions, saying, “I don’t know. I’d have to think about that.” To which I respond, “Great! That’s why we’re here.” Clients are looking for gold but do not always know where to dig.

In my curious listening, I’m looking for a word or detail that might contain more information than the client initially realizes. This interruption is purely conversational. There is no issue with the agreement. This is part of the give and take in the coaching process that encourages the client to make a discovery.

This interruption also needs to be in the moment, as close to the pregnant moment as possible. The further away from the marker you move, the more difficult it will be to find it again. Even if your client typically gives you space to speak, you may need to interrupt because this may not be a natural place for the client to pause.

I would tell my client, “Wow. Can I interrupt you for a moment? There was something rich about your last comment. I’m wondering if you’d like to explore that more deeply.” All of my interactions with the client are short. Explaining what I might have heard could derail the learning process. I need to mark the spot where gold might be found and then hand the shovel to the client.

You want to be sure you are not becoming the talker with all your interruptions. These should be few and far between. We want the client to be doing the work. We interrupt only to make the conversation more productive. You might want to review whether your interruptions are taking you over the 80/20 rule.

Conclusion

We are partners in the coaching conversation. Our job is not to interject our thoughts and ideas, but we are firmly in charge of the conversational process. We must do what is necessary to make the conversations healthy and productive. We might even say our job is to manage conflict, which occurs when the client moves away from the goals of the conversation.

The worst reason to interrupt is because you want a turn. Partners do not take turns; they co-create. If you are going to interrupt, it must be for the good of the conversation. The client is moving away from the conversation’s goal. The coach interrupts for the sake of the goal. If the client values the goal, they will quickly see the value of the interruption.

You should typically be quiet but vigilant. You rarely talk, but you are ready to talk at any given moment, even if it requires you to interrupt. You are a partner in the conversation; you are not relegated to only listening. Interrupt when it adds value. Interrupt for the sake of the client. Your client will appreciate your willingness to do so.