Every coach wants clients, and to get a steady stream of clients requires something that looks a lot like sales. The very word, sales, makes most of us cringe. In the 1980’s movie, Say Anything, John Cusack’s character Lloyd Dobler is asked by his girlfriend’s father what he wants to do with his life. His answer may resemble our own:
“I don’t want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don’t want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed.” – Lloyd Dobbler, Say Anything (1989)
This sentiment seems quite true for most coaches. We don’t want to sell ourselves or even sell our processes. Selling feels like boasting. We feel like we are saying, “You should hire me because I’m better than you.” The truth is that most would never buy anything from someone who makes such boasts. The truth is much simpler:
“People buy from people that they know, like, and trust” – Bob Burg, Endless Referrals
To sell coaching, your best bet is to be a mature, non-anxious, content human being. People long to be around such people. They will buy almost anything from such a person just to enjoy the healthy interaction that comes from relating to such people. The fact that you trained to be a coach is a good indication that you are on your way to being just such a person.
Being Knowable
The desire to be known is a foundational element of being human, the desire to be noticed. Some people go out of their way to ensure they are noticed. Others go out of their way to not be noticed, because they think that people should be much more humble, but rest assured, they want to be noticed. The Apostle Paul writes about this desire:
For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. – 1 Corinthians 13:12 (NIV)
To be knowable starts with a desire to know others. No one wants to know you if you don’t want to know them. If you have a low view of people, if you think most people are selfish and stupid, then you will find it hard to be known. You won’t want to share yourself with such people. Being known becomes a burden.
My mom had a high belief in others. One time when I was a kid, I waited in the car while my mom went into the grocery store to grab a few last-minute items. I watched people go in and people come out. I even began to worry as the wait got ever longer. Finally, Mom came out. I inquired, “What took so long?”
She lied, “There was a line at the cash register.”
I said, “That can’t be true. People went in. People came out. There was no line.”
She finally fessed up, “I was talking to someone.”
Again, I asked, “Who were you talking to for so long?”
She said with some excitement, “I don’t know, but he was so interesting!” My mom was very easy to know because she wanted to know you.
If you truly want to be known, then you must start by showing a desire to know others. This step forward creates a reciprocal relationship. If you ask most people about themselves, at some point (and this varies), they will want to know about you, particularly as it applies to them.
Being Likable
Being likable is tricky. Not everyone is going to like you, but more people will like you if you accept that not everyone will like you. The likable person is comfortable in their own skin. They aren’t hiding anything. Secrets tend to make you less likable. The likable person is self-sufficient. They don’t immediately need anything from you.
As with knowing, the likable person first likes you. They are not grudge-holders. They find something in you to like. They are great at compliments, always genuine and appropriate. They know when to help, but even more important, when not to help. They always tell the truth but in the kindest, most helpful way.
The chief obstacle for me in being liked over the years has been avoiding conflict. Surprisingly, the person who does not avoid conflict is often the most likable, even if you disagree with them. In the Gospels, Jesus talks about “persons of peace”. These are people who make room for others. They are givers of opportunities.
There are not a lot of people who do not like me, but they exist. This is most definitely my fault. On each of these occasions, I was unwilling to tell them the truth. I didn’t want to hurt their feelings. I felt somehow I could take the blame for whatever conflict lay between us.
To be likable, you must be candid and kind, helpful, and encouraging. The likable person does NOT tell you what you want to hear. People like hearing the truth, maybe because it is such a rare commodity. It is a myth to believe that you can either be candid or kind. We don’t choose one or the other. The likable always do both.
Being Trustable
A trusted person makes people feel safe. Safety is not just physical, but also emotional and even psychological. Coaching is all about process, and process is often messy. Trust allows the coach to more easily challenge assumptions without raising one’s defenses.
We live in a highly judgmental society. Every day people are canceled for what they say, or even what they said ten years ago. Surprisingly, it is quite Christian to be non-judgmental. Jesus declared in his Sermon on the Mount:
Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. – Matthew 7:1-2 (NIV)
Trust comes after you are known and liked. It is the final test given before someone decides to hire you as their coach. They will share a hint of their struggle and watch how you react. Empathy builds trust. The potential client wants to know you recognize their vulnerability. You can breach trust by expressing pity and sometimes even by telling them you relate.
The potential client ultimately wants to know your intention. This is often the problem with sales. We suspect that the salesperson’s ultimate intention is to separate us from our money. To be trusted, we need to have no attachment to the sale itself. Our goal as a coach is to help the person get from where they are to where they want to go. I can demonstrate my intention by freely helping in any way I can until the moment that it becomes clear a more formal agreement is required.
Conclusion
If we want to sell coaching, we have to be known, be likable, and be trusted. We show up with a quiet confidence that is immediately friendly and helpful. The truth is always shared in a candid and yet kind way. The value of the person and their vision is reflected in the way we communicate both verbally and non-verbally.
I would be remiss if I left you thinking that these three are all that are required for developing a pipeline of coaching clients. You will always need one more thing. To get a client, you need to propose a coaching relationship. The client will rarely propose this relationship to you. They may have never considered a coaching relationship to be a possibility.
The proposal comes after a relationship is developed. Too soon, and the client will not be accepting. Too late, and the moment will have passed. We were made for partnerships. Learning to be known, liked, and trusted are Kingdom qualities that we should all develop whether we want clients or not, but it is essential when we do want clients.
