Sometimes, the thing preventing a client from moving forward isn’t a lack of motivation, a clear game plan, or accountability. It’s not a lack of skill or a fuzzy vision, either. And it’s not that their level of effort is too low or that they are facing challenging external circumstances. Instead, the roadblock is inside the client’s head. It’s what the fancy psychology folks call “cognitive distortions.”

Cognitive distortions are the brain’s sneaky little lies that can quietly hijack how a client thinks, leaving them stuck, second-guessing, or even spiraling in the wrong direction. While cognitive distortions are a big deal to the client, the good news is that you don’t need a PhD in psychology to help them get their thinking right. You just need a sharp ear, good questions, and the courage to challenge stinking thinking—things that every coach offers.

Let’s explore five cognitive distortions that might be sabotaging your clients—and how you can help them reframe their thinking to get unstuck. You’ll notice that for each of these, the approach isn’t a direct challenge (“Hey buddy, you have a cognitive distortion…”) but rather an indirect challenge that sounds more like an invitation to think differently. Let’s explore.

1. All-or-Nothing Thinking: “If I’m Not Perfect, I’ve Failed.”

This one’s a classic—especially for high-achiever clients who take pride in doing their best, being the best, and (almost) always winning. While this approach to life might sound like a highly motivating asset, it’s not. Why? Because all-or-nothing thinking and a growth mindset are incompatible. When clients see everything (especially their own performance) in black and white, they leave zero room for progress, learning, or even being good enough. Instead, they tie their self-worth to perfection because anything less is, well, nothing.

What it sounds like:

• “If this presentation doesn’t wow everyone, it’s a disaster.”
• “If we don’t exceed our goals for the year, I’ve failed as a leader.”
• “If I miss one workout, I’m a loser.”

What to do about it:
First, have compassion for the client, as this distortion often comes from a place of responsibility and commitment to high achievement. In other words, it’s a strength taken too far. With compassion, challenge the binary assumption at the heart of this distortion. Help them move beyond black-and-white thinking and invite them to explore the gray areas as well as the value in less-than-perfect outcomes. Try asking questions like:

• “What’s one positive takeaway, even if the job interview doesn’t go perfectly?”
• “What are three options that exist in the land between perfect and terrible?”

Jill, a client of mine, struggles with perfectionism and all-or-nothing thinking. This tendency came up recently when she was preparing for a series of presentations to investors, key leaders in her company, and a handful of clients—all within about three weeks. She wanted every presentation to be TED Talk quality (the really good ones) and felt that anything less than a “grand slam” with every at-bat was unacceptable. The pressure she was putting on herself was making it far less likely she would have even one “home run” presentation.

I asked Jill to clarify her thinking by writing her belief on an index card. She wrote, “If every presentation isn’t a grand slam, I have failed.” At first, she seemed kind of prideful about her statement, like she truly believed it set her apart as a high performer. I invited her to describe both the positive and negative outcomes this belief created for her. It’s important to note that cognitive distortions serve the client in some positive (or apparently positive) ways. She recognized that while the belief helped push her to have high standards and be a high achiever, it also had significant downsides. Notably, she was often paralyzed with performance anxiety, she over-prepared to the detriment of her own health and time with her family, and she got frustrated when she felt like she performed with perfection but nobody else seemed to notice or care.

With a fuller understanding of the belief, I asked her to flip the index card over and craft a more helpful belief. The belief Jill identified was, “A good presentation is not a bad presentation.”

Jill’s new statement was profound in its simplicity. I asked her to unpack it, and she described how the distinction between “good” and “good enough” was important to her. She said, “I hate the term ‘good enough’ because it just sounds like an excuse for poor performance. But there’s no denying that something good is, actually, good. If I can resist adding the word ‘enough’ to my judgment, I believe I can accept that good work is, indeed, good.”

Together, we envisioned how she could apply this new belief by recognizing when she was experiencing the cognitive distortion, questioning it, and then choosing to practice the new belief. Her season of presentations went well, and the fact that good (not perfect) was actually good (not just ‘good enough’) reinforced the validity and helpfulness of the new belief.

As we describe the next four cognitive distortions, keep Jill’s example in mind and imagine how you might coach a client dealing with each one.

2. Catastrophizing: “Everything Is About to Fall Apart.”

Ever had a client predict the apocalypse because one deal fell through? That’s catastrophizing in action. Like Chicken Little, who thinks the sky is falling because an acorn hit him on the head, the client’s brain skips straight to worst-case scenarios without pausing for even a microsecond of logic.

What it sounds like:

• “If I miss this deadline, I’ll lose my job.”
• “This project delay will ruin my entire career.”
• “He’s five minutes late—he’s been in an accident (or he doesn’t love me).”

What to do about it:
Play the odds. Ask questions like:

• “What’s the actual worst-case scenario? And how likely is it?”
• “Even if the worst did happen, what’s something you could do next?”

Walk them through their imagined disaster step by step. Once they see how exaggerated it is, their brain will likely stop waving the panic flag.

3. Personalization: “It’s All My Fault.”

Taking responsibility is good, but some clients think they’re at the center of every problem—whether it’s true or not. Personalization happens when they assume too much responsibility, blaming themselves for everything from team tension to the weather.

What it sounds like:

• “The team isn’t hitting targets—I must not be motivating them enough.”
• “That client seemed off—maybe I upset them.”
• “My wife’s in a bad mood—I don’t know why she’s mad at me.”

What to do about it:
Separate fact from assumption. Ask questions like:

• “What evidence do you have that this is about you?”
• “What factors outside your control might be influencing this?”

Help them unpack the situation objectively. Chances are, they’re carrying weight that doesn’t belong to them—and putting it down can feel like a relief.

4. Overgeneralization: “This Always Happens.”

One failure becomes every failure. One bad meeting becomes every meeting. Overgeneralization is like your client’s brain keeps bad data on repeat—and it’s your job to hit pause.

What it sounds like:

• “I always mess up when I present to senior leadership.”
• “No one ever listens to my ideas.”
• “I’m always the one who has to apologize.”

What to do about it:
Dig for exceptions. Ask questions like:

• “When has the opposite been true?”
• “How often does this really happen?”

The goal is to disrupt the brain’s pattern-making. Remind them that one bad day (or even a few) doesn’t define their capabilities—or their future.

5. Should Statements: “I Should Be Better Than This.”

“Should” is the sneakiest distortion of all. It sounds harmless—until you realize it’s loaded with judgment, guilt, and unrealistic expectations. Clients who constantly “should” themselves stay trapped in comparison and self-criticism instead of focusing on what they actually want.

What it sounds like:

• “I should be further along in my career by now.”
• “I shouldn’t need help with this.”
• “I should be happy.”

What to do about it:
Challenge the “shoulds.” Ask questions like:

• “Who says you ‘should’? According to what rule?”
• “What do you want to do, and why?”

Replace judgment with intention. When clients trade “I should” for “I want” or “I choose,” they start taking ownership instead of shaming themselves.

The Coach’s Role: Thought Partner, Not Therapist

You’re not in the business of diagnosing mental health issues, but you are in the business of catching faulty thinking. And here’s the truth—leaders can’t lead if their thoughts are leading them in circles.

When you help clients reframe cognitive distortions, you’re giving them more than clarity. You’re helping them gain a new level of agency. You’re helping them stop reacting and start responding—thoughtfully, strategically, and with confidence.

So the next time a client’s thoughts sound like a broken record, don’t just sit back and nod. Hold up the mirror. Ask the hard questions. And watch as their mindset shifts—and their results follow.

A Coaching Question to Leave You With:
What’s one cognitive distortion you’ve noticed in your own thinking—and how are you challenging it?