Coaches dread hearing these three words from their client: “I don’t know.” It is the anthem of the client who is stuck. The words are often accompanied by a heavy wet blanket feeling that expresses the client’s low worth.

Here are five good responses for the coach when they hear these painful words.

1. You don’t know yet.

This is straight up encouragement. “You will know. The door will open.” The coach expresses belief in the person. Discovery isn’t just for the genius few. You can learn how to discover. This observation should be followed by a bit of silence, to give the client a chance to absorb this new truth. The fact that they don’t currently know is not a life sentence to never know. Coaching provides plenty of tools to discover. The client simply does not know yet.

2. What is the worst way to approach it?

The client may not know a good solution, but everyone can come up with bad solutions. Bad solutions can provide the client insight to what might be the nature of a good solution. The brain gets a jumpstart toward discovery. A bad solution might actually be a good solution in this context. It shows that the client has more knowledge of the situation than they may have initially assumed.

3. What are some characteristics of a good solution?

This question breaks the discovery into easier chunks to chew. The client does not know what the solution will be, but the client can identify what the solution might provide. What will a good solution provide to those involved? How will you know it is a good solution? What are some outcomes the solution must provide? In what ways will God be required to act? What will you have to sacrifice for a good solution? These are curious questions that look at the dimensions of a solution rather than directly at the solution.

4. Who would know?

This isn’t necessarily the same as “Who should you ask for help?” That question is solution oriented and conveys, “You probably don’t know, but someone does.” Instead, we are asking what type of person would know? What is their perspective? What is their underlying knowledge? How would they approach the problem? It is like the third response, but instead of characterizing the solution, it is characterizing the solver.

5. How will you feel when you do know?

Feelings can make all the difference. A soccer player who feels like they can score a goal is much more likely to score than a player who feels they can’t. Responding to “I don’t know” is a good chance to let the issue become a mirror for the client into how they identify themselves. Sometimes the problem isn’t the lack of a solution but a lack of belief in oneself. Don’t assume the provision of a good solution will move the client forward. The client may need confidence more than clarity.

Conclusion:

When you hear “I don’t know” from a client, you have an amazing opportunity. The client is ready for discovery. The client is in a position that may allow for transformation. It is a time to get excited for the client because anything they come up will be be new thinking.