At key points in my life, where I was about to take a step forward, there was someone there trying to push me back down, because of my immaturity. I can instantly think of three or four of these events. Can you think of any? I’m not denying my own immaturity. It shows up when our talent exceeds our capacity.

Maturity is the ability to be fully yourself without diminishing others. Maturity has become a dirty word. It has an accusatory tone: “You need to grow up!” I’m not sure that is true. Immaturity spills out in the form of arrogance or anger or sabotage. People are pushed out of your way.

The truth about maturity is not that you finally know your place and so you are no longer in the way of other, seemingly more important people. Instead, maturity expands your presence and allows for more people to be present as well. Your capacity to move forward is increased.

Maturity is Not Less of Yourself

Often, maturity is misunderstood, believing that the parts of you that are deemed too much need to be diminished. Immaturity is established because your words and actions are making less room for others. Your reactivity pushes others out of the way, probably in some sort of protective way, because you are living beyond your current capacity.

There is an immature young man described in the Gospel of Mark. He has much and wants even more. He rushes up to Jesus and asks, “What must I do to inherit eternal life?” Jesus does not look at him with derision for being so self-focused. Instead, this beautiful gospel says that Jesus looked at him and loved him. Jesus told the young man, and I’m paraphrasing, “You have talent, but you are using it for yourself rather than for others.”

Jesus is offering the opportunity to become more rather than less. For example, Jesus encouraged many of his disciples to become fishers of people. He did not tell them to stop using their talents. He encouraged them to increase their capacity.

Maturity Makes Room for Others

The mature person believes there is more than enough for everyone. A mature person can help another step up without having to take a step down. In fact, the mature person finds that helping others rise makes us all rise.

The move from selfish to selfless isn’t a tearing down of self, but a relatively simple shift from trying to take to trying to give. But you are not in a better position to give by becoming less of yourself. You need more of yourself in order to be even more generous.

When I was 17, I scored a career high 28 points in a basketball game. My talent was really starting to thrive. My coach downplayed my achievement and instead gave credit to my teammates for the win. Instead of increasing my capacity, my coach shamed my arrogance, hoping that would somehow make me more mature. I would have benefited more from an affirmation of my talents and an encouragement to increase my leadership capacity.

We don’t become more mature by being humble about talent. We become more mature by understanding how our talent can benefit the work of others. I’m a firm believer in acknowledging each person’s talent and helping them see how they can be even more effective by making room for others around them.

Maturity Empowers Your Full Capability

It is not unspiritual to wonder about your full capability. God built you to be unique and capable. You are likely underperforming rather than overperforming. Maturity integrates capability rather than amplifies ego.

Our full capabilities will not be needed in stress-free environments. Maturity allows our capabilities to be fully trusted because they not only bring power to a difficult situation, but they don’t push people away in the process. Your capabilities are only as useful as they are trusted.

Maturity makes capability useful in community, not just impressive in isolation. Our focus needs to change from personal achievement to organizational movement. Mature people do not care who gets the credit, as long as there is something worthwhile being achieved.

Conclusion

I remember one night we were praying for a leader in the church named Josh. I had laid my hand on his shoulder, and as we prayed, I began to see Josh growing in stature—rising from his current height of 5’10” to something closer to 6’8”. In my imagination, he towered over the rest of us, not in dominance, but in presence. It felt like a glimpse of how God sees him: not smaller, not diminished, but fully formed.

This is the key to the Kingdom of God. The King, Jesus, doesn’t want to rule us with an iron fist. He wants to bring us to maturity—so that, in the words of Paul, “we’re all moving rhythmically and easily with each other, efficient and graceful in response to God’s Son, fully mature adults, fully developed within and without, fully alive like Christ” (Ephesians 4:13).

How tall are you, really?

In what ways does your size make you uncomfortable?

Where might God be inviting you to take joy in your talent—and grow the capacity to hold it?