I appreciate clear agreements. When you drive through at Steak-n-Shake, they tell you, “This isn’t fast-food.” I know not to expect to whiz right through the line. This is helpful. Sometimes when I give the message at a funeral, I inform the family, “It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to laugh. There will be times when both are appropriate today.” That’s helpful. It gives people freedom to process the grief that overwhelms them.

Where is a place you’ve been where you were confused on what you were supposed to do? Or on what was expected?

Sometimes I’m surprised by what needs an agreement. I saw this sign in a public restroom: “Don’t Throw Paper Towels into the Toilet!” Really? That needs to be stated? The answer is obviously “Yes, it does.” The establishment owner didn’t just decide that was a good rule. Instead she had (probably more than once) paid a plumber to fix the clogged pipes. The owner needed to make a clear agreement with the patrons that there is an inappropriate place to dispose of paper towels.

We need to be clearer than we think we do.

In coaching, there are agreements that need to be made prior to the coaching session. Some of these might be listed in a contract, and some may be listed in an FAQ. Here are a few.

• When we will meet.
• What to do if you can’t meet.
• How much will this cost?
• Come prepared with a topic.
• What will happen if you don’t come prepared with a topic.
• What to do if you feel coaching isn’t working for you.
• This isn’t counseling or consulting.

There are also agreements that need to be stated during the coaching session. Here are a few.

• We want to expand your thinking beyond what you’ve known.
• Are there any special concerns today?
• If I see you heading for a cliff, I’ll tell you.
• Remember I play other roles, but I can mentally separate out what you tell me.
• This isn’t counseling, but you can share your feelings.

These don’t have to be stated every week but depend on the conversation.

Clear agreements let the client avoid worrying about what is appropriate and what is not. The client gains the freedom to talk and think without feeling awkward. It’s a good reminder for coaches that clients do not know the rules of coaching. They need to be reminded.

Don’t go through the whole list every time you coach a client but be observant to what agreements could be helpful to mention based on the client’s topic, mood, history, personality, or values. Coaching is a very open, client centered profession, and it works better when the client is clear on the agreement.

Speaking metaphorically, do you have a client that you need to talk to about where they throw their paper towels? What agreement do you need to make clear? Let me know. I’m curious!