Stories bring a tremendous lift to my spirit.

For Easter dinner, we drove out to my Aunt Lynn’s house which is about 5 miles south of the population 1,200 town I grew up in. After lunch, my Aunt Toni began to reminisce that by this time of day fifty years ago, they would have already saddled up the horses and gone on a ride for the rest of the day. I could see on both of my aunt’s faces that they wished it was fifty years ago.

Aunt Lynn’s husband Tim offered to saddle up old Diesel for her. Tim and Lynn have a few horses in their pasture, but Diesel, despite his strong name, wasn’t a legitimate offer.

Diesel is a miniature pony. My Aunt Toni is fairly short, but even her feet would drag the ground on Diesel. Aunt Lynn didn’t care for her husband’s offer. She defended Aunt Toni (who had married into the family), “No, she could ride.”

Looking over the table at the opposite wall, I saw a wall hanging that read, “If heaven doesn’t have horses, I ain’t going.” An amateur theologian could easily tear that theology apart, but a good coach would hear a valuable nugget in my aunt’s life story. To adapt a quote from Chariots of Fire, she feels God’s joy when she is involved with horses.

A great coach isn’t one who can help a client design action steps. A great coach is one who can ensure the client takes their action steps. Rooting actions into the story of the client is a key to building powerful accountability. The client doesn’t take the planned action out of willpower, but out of destiny.

There are at least three characteristic a coach can tease out of a client’s story to create momentum in all of the client’s desired actions.

A Moving Story is Powerful

The other day, a young professional client was struggling with knowing how and when to transition. It occurred to me that part of her problem was that she couldn’t see far enough along her potential life journey.

I asked her what the highest position she could imagine herself achieving in her life. She thought about it for a minute, and suggested a place a few rungs up the ladder from her current position. Clients don’t hire coaches to listen to them but to listen for them. I had heard the passion, the dedication, and the skill my client possessed, but that hadn’t translated into much of a life story for her yet.

I looked at her, and asked her if I could share with her what I thought the highest position I could imagine her holding. She consented. So with all honesty, I looked in her in the eyes and told her I could imagine her rising to a national level of prominence.

My statement was based out of her strengths, hearing her heart, listening to her successes and failures. Her story is powerful. I also know the obstacles in front of her are many. With few exceptions, most people don’t think they have what it takes to rise to any significant level. She has what it takes.

What really made me think about this characteristic of a client’s story is as I think about my own story. I feel like God has given me a chance to make a significant impact. Here’s the surprise. It is much easier to get up early out of bed three times a week to exercise because God has put me in a powerful story than it is to get up early because I ought to take better care of my health.

A powerful story can make it easier to say the difficult things that often need to be said. A powerful story can make it easier to put up with pain long enough to make it through the obstacles. A powerful story can make it easier to spend the money you need to invest that will really pay off in the long turn.

A powerful story is stronger than your pain.

To develop power in a client’s story, it is always best to bring God into the conversation. The client was created on purpose. The client has some natural gifts that they don’t typically recognize as special. The coach helps the client understand how they are special, and then the coach is in an easier position than anybody to state the obvious. This client was created for a powerful purpose.

A Moving Story Has Lots of Reminders

My nephew Jordan is an actor. I almost wrote aspiring actor, but to do so would question the power of his story. Acting is a hard gig. It takes the persistence of being rejected time and time again until you are finally accepted, then only to repeat the cycle over again.

I like to pull him aside when I get the opportunity and just encourage him to be consistent. To do the work. To take every opportunity to learn just a little more.

I didn’t think much about this until our daughter who is only a few months older than Jordan told me later, “I thought you gave him good advice.” I said I didn’t think anyone had heard me. She said, “I think everyone heard you.” Oh.

Jordan doesn’t have to wake up every morning and remind himself he is an actor. He lives in Chicago and attends a good acting school. He has lots of auditions scheduled. The people he hangs out with are writers, directors, visual artists, comedians, magicians, and such.

To harness your story, you should immerse yourself in the accoutrements of your story. For Aunt Lynn, she has horses and goats and signs and souvenirs. As a coach, I have surrounded myself with coaches, with books and podcasts about people development, and with partners who also live and breathe coaching. For Christmas, my son gave me a mug that declares that I am CAMs #1 coach. (I’m fairly sure there was no official vote, but I love that my son has spoken into my story.) It motivates me.

To develop consistency of story for a client, the coach needs to ask, “How can my client become the cat lady of whatever story God has given them? Where can my client collect their next cat?” A good coach searches for signs of the client’s story and strategizes on how to add more signs to help them never forget who God created them to be.

A Moving Story is Surprising

My father-in-law got pancreatic cancer just over one year ago. Nobody thought cancer belonged in his story. He has a powerful story as a builder and a preacher, and even dabbled as a restaurant owner and a politician. He has impacted many lives.

The survival rate to live one year with pancreatic cancer is 15%. He is now living on borrowed time. It is normal to wonder why God would ever allow a man like this to contract something like that. But the truth is the mystery of our stories require us to remain flexible.

The promising young baseball player breaks his throwing arm. The genius college sophomore becomes unexpectedly pregnant. The parents of a seven year old boy are both shot in a robbery coming out of seeing the latest movie. (Ok, that last one is Batman. You can probably guess what movie I saw this weekend.)

My father-in-law has written a Facebook post every day since the diagnosis. Some days he struggles to understand cancer’s place in his life, but most days he uses the cancer as a way of seeing life more clearly and spotlighting what should be important in each and every life. He touches thousands of people every day in ways he never imagined.

Oh but for the beauty of having a coach! A coach’s three favorite words are options, options, and options. The destination in a powerful story doesn’t change, but the path changes daily. The story may surprise us with its ending. There may be a twist that we didn’t expect. Stories are always better with a few surprises.

Cancer is only the end of the story if our story isn’t flexible enough to allow God room to move and surprise.

To develop surprise in a client’s story, bring awareness to the mystery. Help the client to wonder what God is ultimately up to. Help the client to understand that not every detour is a delay.

Conclusion

Riding a miniature pony doesn’t make a cowboy out of anybody.

A Christian coach believes that each person has a story of hope and redemption, that every life can make a difference. Don’t ask so many questions about the details of the problem. Ask more questions about the client’s awareness of their broader story. Help them become more aware of their story’s power. Help them find ways to create enough reminders that they know they’re living in their story as soon as their eyes open up in the morning. And help them to see how surprises can make their overall awareness even stronger.