How many times have you heard the command, “Just stop”? Here are three scenarios:

My dad and my brother trudged into the kitchen tracking globs of mud with each step. Mom shouted, “Just stop! Take off your shoes before you track mud all over the house!” My dad said he would do whatever he wanted to do, and from then on, he took off his shoes at the door and insisted that us boys do the same.

I bellied up to the buffet at China Wok to fill up my third plate, and with a side plate for the sushi bar, it is unimaginable how much food I can put into my body. As I step onto the scale the next morning, rather than giving me a number, it just sighs and says, “Just stop.”

Open mouth and insert foot. You would think that extra appendage in Tammy’s mouth would stop her from saying more, but she just keeps trying to dig her way out. Larry holds up his hand and quietly says, “Just stop. You are making it worse.”

Now, let’s apply just stop to coaching. We need to shorten our questions, observations, and stories. We need fewer words to come out of our mouths so we do not minimize the positive impact we can have for our client.

I have found that if I just stop, my coaching creates:

• More awareness
• More motivation
• More transformation

Just Stopping Evokes More Awareness

As a reminder, awareness is generated within the client. More and more, I like to evoke awareness by making observations. These observations come from active listening and reflect what I heard, or often, what I did not hear. Sometimes I help the client make some connections in what they have told me.

For example, my client Sarah was sharing that her vendor was not meeting her expectations. The topic was whether she should switch to a new vendor. What I did not hear in the conversation was whether the vendor was aware of her expectations. So, I made an observation: “Expectations are often not communicated well.”

I could have gone on and suggested she make her expectations clear to the vendor. I could have asked a question like, “Does your vendor know your expectations?” However, both of these tactics are attempting to lead the client to my solution. Instead, to evoke awareness, I made a short observation that will either fall short as she tells me the vendor knows exactly what she expects or that will cause her to pause and consider what needs to change with the vendor’s relationship.

By just stopping with the short observation, I do not shut the conversation down if this is invalid. By just stopping, I allow the client to decide what to do with this observation, rather than me guiding the client to what I think the observation implies. Her new awareness may be far beyond the fact that she has not clearly communicated her expectations. She may learn new things about herself.

Just Stopping Builds More Motivation

Motivation occurs when the client sees the gap between where they are and where they want to be and sees a clear path that will allow them to close that gap quickly and efficiently. This makes me think of the saying, “Don’t bite off more than you can chew.” But when you bite off the right amount, and it tastes good, you find it difficult to not eat — you are motivated!

For example, my client Rashid was struggling with his staff not performing at necessary levels. Based on the listening, I made a simple observation: “Sounds like you need to have some tough conversations.” Rashid responded, “I don’t like tough conversations.” I remained silent and let the awareness grow inside him. He began to talk about how the status quo simply was not an option and that as uncomfortable as the conversations would be, he could see this as a clear path towards resolving the issue.

I could have said more about what I think should be included in those conversations or supplied some reasoning why tough conversations need to be a regular tool in our skill set, but instead, I made a short statement that made Rashid consider the why and the how of tough conversations for himself and for his staff.

By just stopping, I put the hard work into Rashid’s hands. I let the pressure of the situation shift into motivation for difficult action. Priorities appeared for Rashid as he thought through the conversations he needed to have with various staff members. My continued commentary would only have reduced the pressure that Rashid needed to act and thus reduced his motivation.

Just Stopping Catalyzes More Transformation

Transformation occurs when the client has an internal shift about how they see themselves, others, and the world. Through coaching, the client shifts their perspective about how they see the topic and how a change in the way they show up can change the outcome.

For example, my client Sheila does not see herself as a leader. She described leadership as making decisions and telling people what to do. I made an observation: “For me, leadership is giving people opportunities and keeping everyone focused on the desired outcome.” She responded, “I love to do both of those things.” I remained quiet as she began to think about how this shift might look in her current leadership roles.

I could have said, “Sheila, you are a leader, and I’ll tell you why.” I could have asked her to think about the characteristics of leaders from the past that she really appreciated. Instead, I made a short observation about leadership, and let her begin to rearrange her thinking that would transform her from a frustrated participant to an empowered leader.

By just stopping, I gave space for Sheila to rearrange her image of herself. That work is best done by the individual with as little input from the outside as possible. The implications of this shift are immense. The rest of my coaching should facilitate Sheila into considering different ways she could show up when an empowering leader is needed.

Conclusion

Most likely, you need to just stop talking earlier than you expect. Make the observation. Ask the question. You can even share a metaphor or story, but you need to stop short of mining the meaning out of it. This is the job of the client. Partner with your client by making space for your words to evoke awareness, build motivation, and even catalyze transformation. Learn to just stop.