As you know, Brian and Chad and I do quite a bit of Mentor Coaching. We help folks build competencies in their coaching by being coached, observing coaching, mentoring about coaching, and teaching by example.

In other words, we spend a great bit of our time either being coached or listening to coaching and providing feedback, or helping others by coaching them or sharing our insights about the issues they are facing as they coach others.

And, as you can imagine, some patterns develop over time as we engage with other coaches.

I thought I’d share a few of the common issues we observe in our mentor coaching and give you some insights into how we (or at least I) handle these situations.

In no particular order, these are the most common issues I see in my mentor coaching sessions:

• Failure to get a clear direction for the coaching session
• Failure to agree on a clear outcome for the coaching conversation
• Difficulty holding back from sharing the coach’s perspective
• Coaching the issue and not the person
• Lack of accountability

I thought I’d take a shot at giving my best advice for how to overcome each of these issues in coaching, and, perhaps, give some strategies for improving your coaching competencies.

The first bit of input I’d give is to make a clear distinction between the overall issue the client is trying to deal with and the piece of that issue that is going to be dealt with in THIS conversation.  Too many times, we hear coaches ask the client what they want to talk about toady, and then launch into a discussion about the options available. Please, please hear me on this… in almost EVERY case, the first thing the client shares about their topic is NOT the issue. It is the coach’s role to help the client narrow the topic to an actionable issue. One that can be dealt with – and one that the client agrees is the “essence” of the issue they have raised.

For example, it’s not enough for the coach to begin exploring the issue of “time management” without getting clear with the client what, specifically, the client means by, and wants to deal with in this area. Do they mean they want to get a handle on their schedule, or do they want to make sure things aren’t slipping through the cracks, or do they want to get clear on what they need to say “no” to?

Instead, the coach needs to explore what, specifically, the client means by “time management” before any exploration is done about how to resolve it.

Next, the coach MUST get clear on what the client wants as an outcome from the conversation. Too often, we see the coach makes this determination her/his own self, rather than getting a clear goal from the client on what she/he wants to accomplish in today’s session. Most often, we see the coach deciding that they want TOTAL RESOLUTION, rather than to get some clarity on one part or another of the issue. Please be sure to get some agreement from your client about THEIR preferred outcome from your conversation. Only then will you be able to proceed knowing that you are moving toward the client’s outcome.

As you proceed through the conversation – moving toward what the client said she/he wanted – please take care to refrain from your instinct to share your perspective. As coaches, we realize that the most important insights are those shared by the client. When we share our own thoughts about what should be done, we snatch away any ownership of the idea from the client. A great reminder here is that “no one ever washes a rental car”. In other words, people take care of their own “stuff”, including their ideas, hopes, and dreams… and that when we share OUR insights, we are taking away the focus.

The next area we want to look out for is coaching the person and not the issue. Too many of us made our living solving problems. And it is second nature for us to provide some solution the issue raised by our client. But…the most helpful posture we can maintain is to coach the person and not the issue…in other words, be curious about the person and what they are thinking…and ask about that…rather than be curious about the topic and ask about that. Our insights about THEIR topic will only lead to us giving them advice about what they should do… and we’ve all learned that people don’t do what they are told.

The final area I want to address, from all of the coaching sessions I observe, is the lack of accountability built in to the coaching relationship. While it is NOT the coach’s job to become the accountability for the client…it IS our job to build in accountability for our clients.

What does that look like? Well, it starts with our being curious about the client’s motivation and her/his willingness to complete the action to which they’ve agreed. It is not enough to hear them state the action they plan to take…instead we need to get very clear on their system of accountability. In other words…what will they need to do to make sure they follow through on their commitments to action?

In some cases, we see coaches taking on the role of accountability partner. In other cases, we see coaches decide for their clients what accountability will look like. In still others, coaches ignore the issue of accountability. In the BEST cases, we see coaches getting clear with their clients the BEST process to insure accountability for the client. In these cases, the CLIENT, with the coach’s prompting, determines the best accountability structure for her/him. This is often the difference between good and great coaching.

I hope you will take seriously your role as a coach – and learn from our experience in observing coaching conversations from hundreds of coaches. If we are going to make an impact for the Kingdom through coaching, let’s make sure it’s the best, most productive impact, we can make!