I have a list. There, I said it. I’m embarrassed about it. Like, there is growth sprouting out of my head, and suddenly, I’m wearing a lot of hoodies so you won’t notice. It is not a long list. I’m not sure I would even have called it an official list except that there is one person at the top who has had a few successes lately. I’m bothered that someone on my list is having success.

The list is a sin problem. I may have every right to be upset with the people on my list, but Jesus said things like, “But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:15) Don’t hear what I’m not saying. I’m not in any danger. This is more in the petty category than in the oppressed or abused category.

As Easter approaches, and my thoughts turn to moving Jesus closer to the center of my life, I am convicted of this one truth: 

Jesus does not want me to have this list.

The Wrong People in the Bible Have a List

The Prodigal Son would go on most people’s list. (Luke 15) His disrespect for his father and for all that is decent should have upset his father to such an extent that his father would never think of this man ever again as his son. The passage is ultimately a confrontation about who should be on what list.

• The Younger Son Deserves to be on a List

The father did not have a list. People in his community thought he was foolish not to have a list. But when the boy came back, admittedly repentant, the father did not wait to see the state of the boy’s heart. He did not pull out his list and stare at it for a while and consider whether to mark the boy off his list. Instead, he celebrated the return of the relationship.

The brother did have a list. He refused to welcome the younger son back and even had the gall to tell his dad if he wanted to throw a party, he was throwing it for the wrong son. After all, he had been the good son, the respectable son. He knew his place and played his part. And his dad did appreciate him. He too was not on his father’s list.

• The Older Son Should Reflect His Father’s Heart

The missing part of the story that is made clear through the rest of the gospel is that Jesus is the older brother, who does reflect his father’s heart. Two key points: One, Jesus destroyed his list at the cross by paying the price for all the things that put us on that list in the first place. Two, Jesus went out looking for us, because the Father’s heart is broken when even one goes astray. (Luke 15:4)

The older brother in the story of the Prodigal Son should have honored his father by going after the boy and trying to reconcile him back to the family. This was not a community standard. This was a Heavenly Father standard, which Jesus himself took up. He left his home and went in search of the prodigals. And when he found them, he paid the price for their damages and returned his brothers and sisters to their waiting Father.

• The Cross Confronts My List and My Mission

I mentioned earlier that what has brought the list to my attention is recent successes for the person at the top of the list. God seems comfortable celebrating the person I’m still quietly resenting. Maybe I’m more desirous of a party featuring me than a party featuring him.

And surprisingly, Jesus is not that offended by my desire for recognition. “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours.” (Luke 15:31) This is how Jesus confronts us: not with a shaming rebuke that puts me in my place, but instead with a shocking assessment of my place in his kingdom.

Conclusion: 

I need a new list. A list of people to bless — even when they don’t deserve it.

Lists don’t disappear by reflection alone. They disappear when we act differently.

I need to bless the person I’ve been quietly resenting so that my list loses its power.

Do you have a list?

If you’re brave enough, reply to this email with just the first name — or even just a first initial — of the person at the top of it. You don’t need to explain anything.

I’ll pray for both of you.