I gave a new coaching client the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. We spent part of our session going through his results, talking about what seemed accurate, what surprised him, and what the assessment helped him put words around. I like assessments for that reason. They can give language to things we already know about ourselves but have never quite been able to name.

Later in the same session, we shifted to talking about someone on his team. There was some frustration in the relationship, and we were trying to understand what might help him work with this person more effectively. At one point I asked what he had learned about the other person.

Without much hesitation he said, “I know he is an E and a P. I’m not sure about the middle two letters.”

That got my attention because my client is also an E, but he has a Judging preference rather than a Perceiving preference.

If you know Myers-Briggs, Js tend to prefer structure, decisions, plans, and closure. Ps tend to prefer flexibility, openness, and keeping options available longer. Those are broad descriptions, but the distinction can be very helpful.

I know this partly because I am a strong J myself, and our former president was a strong P.

A J can look at a P and easily conclude that the P is not taking something seriously. The deadline is getting closer, and they do not seem particularly worried. We made a plan, but they seem perfectly willing to change it. I would prefer that we make the decision and move forward, while they would prefer to leave the decision open in case something else comes along.

From my perspective, it can start to feel irresponsible.

Of course, the P may be making equally unflattering assumptions about me. They may experience the J as rigid, impatient, controlling, or too eager to make a decision.

That is where an assessment becomes useful. The behavior itself may not change, but our interpretation of the behavior can.

Assessments Help Me See Myself

Most of us assume that the way we experience the world is simply the way the world works. We do not naturally think of our way of making decisions, organizing work, or interacting with people as a preference. It just feels normal.

If I like decisions to be made, then making decisions feels responsible. If someone else wants to keep the decision open, I may not experience that as a different preference. I may experience it as a problem.

A good assessment helps expose what we have mistaken for normal.

I am not simply “the organized one.” I have a preference for structure and closure. Someone else is not necessarily “disorganized.” They may have a stronger preference for flexibility and adapting as circumstances change.

That kind of awareness changes the conversation. Instead of simply saying, “This is how I am,” I can ask whether my preference is helping me or getting in the way.

Assessments Help Me See the Other Person More Accurately

Once I can see my own preferences as preferences, I have a better chance of seeing someone else without immediately attaching a motive to their behavior.

We do this all the time. Someone does not answer an email, so we decide they are ignoring us. Someone asks a lot of questions, so we assume they are resisting. Someone changes a plan, and we decide they are unreliable.

Sometimes we are right. Sometimes we are not.

That is what interested me about the conversation with my client. He had already begun to put his teammate’s behavior into another framework. He recognized that this person might naturally operate with more openness and flexibility than he does.

That does not excuse missed deadlines or poor communication. Personality preferences are explanations, not exemptions.

But understanding why someone may approach the work differently creates more possibilities than simply deciding something is wrong with them.

Assessments Help Me See What Happens Between Us

This may be the part of assessments we use least.

An assessment does not only tell me something about me and something about you. It can also help us see what happens when you and I interact.

Imagine a strong J working with a strong P. The J sees a deadline approaching and begins pushing for a decision. The P experiences that pressure and becomes more reluctant to commit. The J sees the hesitation and concludes that more structure is needed, so the J pushes harder. The P now feels controlled and wants even more room.

Before long, both people are reinforcing the very behavior that frustrates the other one.

At that point, the difficulty is no longer located entirely in either person. It is in the pattern they have created together.

That changes the coaching question. Instead of asking, “How do I get this person to change?” we can ask, “What am I contributing to this pattern?”

That is a much more useful question because my contribution is the part I can actually do something about.

Coaching Turns Awareness Into Choice

This is where an assessment has to move beyond interesting information.

People enjoy learning their type, their strengths, their Working Genius, or whatever else an assessment reveals. But in coaching, insight is not enough.

I want to know what you see now that you did not see before, and what you might do differently because you see it.

If my client recognizes that his teammate has a stronger Perceiving preference, maybe he gives him more flexibility early in a project while still creating a firm final deadline. Maybe he stops interpreting every request to revisit a decision as resistance. Maybe he asks what kind of structure would actually be helpful rather than assuming the structure he prefers is the structure everyone needs.

Or maybe he concludes that the personality difference is not the issue at all, and there really is a performance problem that needs to be addressed.

The assessment does not give him the answer. It helps him see the situation more clearly so he can make a better choice.

That is also why coaches need to be careful with assessments. It is easy to become the expert who explains the client to themselves: “You are this type, so this is why you do that.” That can quickly close down curiosity.

A better use of the assessment is to ask questions. Where do you see this showing up? When is this preference helpful? When does it create trouble? How might someone very different from you experience the way you operate? What would you like to do differently now that you see the pattern?

The assessment serves the coaching conversation. It should never replace it.

​Seeing What Is Really There

One of the most useful things we can do for someone is help them see what is actually happening.

We think we see a careless employee, when we may be seeing someone who approaches planning differently than we do. We think we see a controlling leader, when we may be seeing someone whose desire for clarity is colliding with our desire for flexibility. We think the problem is entirely the other person, when some of the problem may be the pattern we are creating together.

Sometimes our first interpretation will prove to be right. But coaching gives us enough curiosity to test it before we build our response around it.

A good assessment can help us do that. It gives us language for ourselves, a more accurate way to understand someone else, and sometimes a clearer view of what is happening between us.

Once we can see what is really there, we have a much better chance of deciding what to do next.