Blog Post: How Do You Define Wellbeing?

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It’s March and I’m wrapping up an online version of CAM 512 Coaching and Positive Psychology. The class has been a valuable learning experience (and a lot of fun).  One of the topics we cover in the class is the idea of “wellbeing” – a concept that encompasses what life is about and what we want out of life.

It turns out that how a person understands wellbeing contributes to determining what he or she will get out of life.  This makes sense.  After all, what we aim for is often what we get (for good or for ill).  For example, if we think wellbeing is having the right job and the right status, then we will aim for those things, pursue them, and probably attain them to some degree.  In contrast, if we think wellbeing comes from tight relationships with our immediate family, then we will structure life very differently.  In either case, even if we “get” that which we believe constitutes wellbeing, there’s no guarantee we will feel satisfied, happy, or fulfilled.

Saint Augustine converted to Christianity as a young man and shortly after his conversion he wrote a short treatise on the topic of happiness (aka wellbeing).  He summed up nicely that happiness is having what you desire and desiring that which is good for you. That’s pretty wise.  I guess that’s why he’s a saint.

In your life, what do you desire?  What do you believe will most contribute to your own wellbeing, to your happiness, satisfaction, fulfillment, or whatever term you wish to use?  How you answer this key question will determine how you organize your life, what you do with your time and energy, how you measure your own success (and the success of those around you), and how you gauge the quality of your life.

Since we live in a very individual-oriented society, you might think that each person has to determine for him- or herself the good thing to desire.  After all, isn’t this a very personal matter?  Actually, no (with a bit of yes, too).

Research shows that all humans are wired to want/need a handful of conditions out of life.  In this way, wellbeing is not personalized, but common.  We all want/need essentially the same combination of conditions: to connect in meaningful and positive relationships with other people, to engage in productive activity that allows us to exercise our skills and knowledge, to experience positive emotions, to earn a sense of accomplishment or achievement, to orient to a higher purpose or meaning beyond our own life.

Within these five aspects of wellbeing, there is much room for personalization.  For example, while we all need to engage in productive activity, the specific skills and knowledge we employ will be nuanced to each person.  Similarly, one person may orient her life according to the higher purpose of God’s activity in the world while another may orient according to a cause or movement that is unrelated to the spiritual.

Why is all this wellbeing talk important to coaches?  Well, as coaches, we help people set and reach goals.  In other words, we help them focus their desire and to then work to gain what they desire.  In order to better serve our clients, we would be wise to encourage our clients to test their desires.  If their core desires do not relate to one of the five aspects of wellbeing, then they may be aiming too low.

For example, a client who believes that getting physically healthy will usher in a season of deep satisfaction and fulfillment is expressing an expectation that the research shows to be unrealistic.  That’s not to say that “getting healthy” is not a worthwhile goal, it’s just that the research shows physical health, in and of itself, has very little bearing on one’s overall wellbeing.  As this person’s coach, you might respond by inviting the client to connect the goal to one of the five aspects of wellbeing.  Perhaps physical health is really about stronger relationships with family and the client desires to get in shape so he can keep up with grandchildren or an active spouse.  Or perhaps physical fitness relates to stewardship of the body God has entrusted to the client.

As a coach, it’s your job to challenge your client to take a deep look at his or her desires and expectations of what life will be like once those desires are fulfilled.  Why?  Because when a goal connects strongly to one of the five aspects of wellbeing, two things are more likely to happen: first, the client is more likely to maintain motivation because each of the five aspects of wellbeing are inherently motivating, and, second, the client is more likely to experience lasting satisfaction once they reach the goal because the goal actually contributes to wellbeing.

I hope you’ll keep these five aspects of wellbeing in mind as you coach and that you’ll challenge your clients to connect their goals to that which will truly bring about wellbeing.

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