One thing that initially attracted me to coaching was its application for spiritual growth. Coaching is a powerful tool for helping people grow stronger as they live out the Christian life and part of this power stems from the fact that coaching naturally makes space for what might be called “both/and thinking.” Instead of falling into the trap of either/or thinking, coaching expands our capacity to discover ways to embrace what appear to be opposites. The Christian life is marked by many such dynamic tensions, one of which is our calling to live with intention and live in relation. I’d like to explore how coaching can help us (and others) live well into both of these realities, but first let’s define what we mean by relation and intention.

Relation. At its heart, the Christian’s life is one of relation. In fact, my identity (who I am) can only be understood and embraced rightly when I know myself primarily as one in relationship. Who am I? I am God’s child. I am a member of Christ’s body. I am a new creature. I am loved by God. I am one who communes with God. Not to get too heady, but my focus on relationship is mostly ontological – concerned with my being (not my doing). No Christian can grow strong in his or her work unless they embrace fully the relational nature of the Christian life.

Intention. Meanwhile, as a Christian I must also focus on intention. In order to live out the Christian life well, I must live with intention. My identity is not merely one who is in right relationship with God, but also one who relates rightly to God. Relating is a verb that requires doing. I must strive toward a goal, live on purpose, follow in the footsteps of Jesus, and work to become who I am not yet. I must discover where God is at work and join God in that work. The focus on intention deals with Christian ethics – how should I live as one who is in relation to God?

Both relation and intention are crucial. In fact, they provide complement and counter-balance to one another. When the Christian life focuses too heavily on relationship, we can stagnate. We can get so overly satisfied with being God’s child that we refuse to live as God’s child. On the other hand, when the Christian life focuses too heavily on intention, we can mistakenly approach relationship with God as something that is earned through our efforts.

Since this is a blog on coaching, you know this all has to connect with coaching in some way. But how? Coaching can help us live the proper integration of being and doing (relation and intention).

Coaching helps because the aim of the Christian life is not balance of relation and intention; instead, we must seek integration. Balance conveys the notion that if we set the dials just right then we can reach a place of harmony and goodness that need not change. But life changes. The proper emphasis on relation in one season of life becomes an over-emphasis as that season gives way to a new one. For example, many Christians who are emerging from a legalistic background need to stress heavily the unchanging and unearned relationship they have with God through Christ. For them, too much emphasis on intention can frustrate their move away from the legalistic notions that base our connection with God on meeting certain conditions.

Meanwhile, consider a Christian who has not taken their faith very seriously but who is now feeling a nudge toward a more meaningful expression of their relationship with God. Such a believer needs to dial up her intention in order to be faithful to God’s calling and grow in her spiritual walk. Obviously we’d want her intention to flow out of her relation, but now is not the time to reflect on her being; instead, it’s time for her to emphasize God’s activity in the world and God’s call to be on mission with God.

Working with a coach can help a Christian integrate relation and intention by providing space for exploring these two aspects of the Christian life. The coach can promote healthy growth by keeping focus on both aspects as well as the way each aspect impacts the other. The coach can also promote growth by giving attention to important questions such as:

• What season of the Christian life am I currently experiencing?
• What seasons have I come through, and what’s my trajectory pointing toward?
• What’s most needed right now?
• What’s God saying to me?
• How can I deepen my sense of being in relation to God?
• How can I further my intention to live out my Christian life?

Coaching promotes spiritual growth so effectively because the coach meets each person where they are and the coaching relationship promotes discovery of what is next instead of resting on the assumption that everyone is in need of the same recipe or formula. But while coaches don’t bring an agenda, we can bring some insights about spiritual growth into the coaching relationship. The dynamic between relation and intention is one such insight. An unchanging truth is that the Christian life consists of both being and doing. Yet the expression of this truth needs to change from person to person and from season to season. Coaching provides the best way to apply unchanging truths in real time.