It’s been nearly 10 years since I wrote Coach the Person, Not the Problem. And while a lot has changed in the coaching world over the past decade, one truth keeps proving itself: when we coach the surface, we stay stuck at the surface. Real change happens when we coach the person—their beliefs, identity, values, fears, and vision—not just the issue they’re dealing with.
Of course, problems are what show up first. Clients bring what’s immediately obvious and troublesome to them:
- “I need to figure out how to lead my team better.”
- “I’m trying to make a decision about my next career move.”
- “I’m overwhelmed by everything on my plate.”
- “My kids are driving me crazy!”
These kinds of problems are valid starting points—but they’re rarely the whole story.
Why The Problem Isn’t The Problem
Here’s what I’ve learned (and keep relearning): the problem a client brings is usually a doorway, not a destination. It gives us something to talk about, but if we stay there—trying to brainstorm solutions or offer insight—we miss the deeper coaching opportunity.
Nine times out of ten, what’s underneath the problem is something like:
- A belief that isn’t serving them anymore
- A fear that hasn’t been named
- A value that’s been ignored
- A part of their identity that’s in transition
When we pass through the problem and enter into coaching the person, we help the client consider true, deep change. And often, the problem gets addressed—typically through a different solution that could never have been considered without the personal shift.
Three Ways to Coach the Person
(Not Just the Problem)
1. Listen for the story.
The client says they’re stuck on a decision. But what’s behind that? Fear of failure? People-pleasing? A story they’ve been telling themselves for years? Don’t just hear what they’re saying—listen for why they’re saying it.
I have a client who told me, “The thing that’s hard about managing people is the people!” In his mind, he had a people problem – about seven people problems to be exact. We started there, but as I listened, I noticed a pattern that included irresponsibility on his part. In short, he was unwilling to step up and take responsibility to set expectations with those he managed. He blamed. He complained. He fretted that those he managed might quit. But the thread that ran through his problems was his unwillingness to set expectations with the people he managed. It took a couple sessions to unpack what was going on, but he finally confronted his own people-pleasing tendencies. He was unwilling to set clear expectations because he was afraid people would not like him, and they would quit.
For this client, the story behind the words was one that could tragically end in him being alone to do all the work himself. This story held him hostage and prevented him from doing what every good manager does: set clear expectations.
Once he admitted the deeper issue, he was able to address his false, crippling belief and move forward.
2. Get curious about identity.
Many client struggles are actually identity struggles. They’re bumping up against a version of themselves that no longer fits—but they haven’t yet claimed the new identity. In these situations, the client’s challenge isn’t just a decision to make—it’s a shift in who they are and who they are becoming.
For example, I worked with a client who was dragging her feet on launching a side business. She said it was about timing, and a logo, and logistics, and this and that and the other thing. There was always a “reason” for not moving forward.
But as we explored more, it became clear that stepping into this new venture meant stepping out of the “loyal employee” identity she’d carried for over 20 years. Starting something new would force her to see herself as a leader, not a follower. That shift in identity was scary. Once we named it, she was able to grieve the old version of herself, embrace the new one, and move forward with a clearer sense of who she wanted to become.
3. Don’t rush to resolution.
Coaches love clarity. We like forward motion, which means we often feel pressure to help the client “figure it out.” That’s fine, but breakthrough usually comes after sitting in the uncertainty for a while. If we rush to solve the issue, we often short-circuit the transformation. Growth emerges in the tension.
I had a client who came in saying, “I need to figure out how to be more productive—the goals I have aren’t going to happen if I don’t step it up. I’m wasting too much time!” It would have been easy to start brainstorming time management hacks or systems or strategies for motivation. That kind of stuff is fun.
But as we lingered in the conversation, I asked what “wasting time” meant to him. After a pause, he admitted he felt guilty anytime he wasn’t working. That guilt wasn’t about productivity—it was about proving his worth. The deeper issue wasn’t poor time use; it was a belief that rest = laziness. That awareness reshaped our coaching for several sessions. Instead of chasing efficiency, he started redefining success around sustainability and identity. None of that would have surfaced if we’d rushed to find a solution to his productivity problem.
Final Thoughts
When you coach the person, clients start seeing themselves differently. They stop managing symptoms and start making real changes—internal shifts. Their confidence grows. Their choices align with their values. They take ownership in a whole new way.
After 20+ years as a coach, that’s what keeps me passionate about this work—not just solving problems but having a front row seat to personal transformation.
If it’s been a while since you read Coach the Person, Not the Problem, consider this your nudge. Revisit the mindset. Sharpen your approach. And remember: problems provide opportunities for personal development.
